Here's the updated PPV leaders for those of you who play or care.

Some Band (Saliva) plays music. Nothin' to get you psyched for Wrestlemania more than a live band!

Opening package - stars talk about what Wrestlemania means to them.

WE ARE LIVE from Toronto, Ontario! Jim Ross and Jerry Lawler welcome us.

ROB VAN DAM vs. WILLIAM REGAL (for the WWF Intercontinental Title)

I smell a squash. RVD takes to punching Regal right away. Whip is reversed, RVD ducks a punch, connects with the back kick. Clothesline, standing moonsault, 1, 2, Regal's out. Back to their feet - Regal whipped into the corner, gets an elbow up to the face of Van Dam. RVD holds his nose, and Regal checks his tights. Sure enough - that strange feeling on his groin was a pair of brass knucks. RVD sees the knucks and kicks them out of the ring, and lands a sidekick. Dropkick to Regal's midsection. Whip, Regal comes out of the corner, ducks the roundhouse kick - RVD to the middle rope and connects with the mule kick. To the top rope - Five Star Frog Splash MISSES! Regal runs forward with a knee to RVD's head - and covers. 1, 2, kickout. Another cover, 1, 2, shoulder up. 1, 2, shoulder up. European uppercut, whip - RVD hits the crossbody, 1, 2, Regal's out. To their feet, backslide, Regal's down, 1, 2, Regal scoots away. Regal with a drop toe hold, and pounds away at RVD. To his feet - vertical suplex, cover, 1, 2, kickout. Whip - reverse - RVD with a backdrop. Whip - reverse - Regal holds on and hits with the cobra clutch slam! Cover, 1, 2, shoulder up by Van Dam. RVD gets to his feet - tosses Regal, and hits the standing side kick! Rolling Thunder is blocked by the knees. Tigerbomb, cover, 1, 2, Van Dam gets out. Regal tries a Regal Stretch, but it's reversed into a cradle, 1, 2, kickout! Regal immediately up with a forearm smash. HELLO CANADA! Tigerbomb is pushed off into the corner - whipped to the other corner, dropkick, whip across the ring - monkey flip in the corner! Regal gets caught in the corner again - shoulderblocks from Van Dam. RVD goes for his reverse enzuigiri, but Regal counters with a half nelson suplex! RVD landed right on his head there - OW! RVD heads out to the floor and Regal follows. RVD is rolled in - and Regal finds his knucks. The ref sees them on his hands and disarms him. While he's doing that, Regal feels something hard in his pants. Why - another pair of brass knucks seem to have found their way into his trunks. RVD steps up with a spinning kick - heads up, Five Star Frogsplash! 1, 2, 3!

Time: 6:17
*3/4

Christian is grinning backstage. Lillian asks Christian if lightning can strike twice - and see another belt change hands. "First of all, I won that match on my own, let's not kid ourselves. And as for why, well once I used DDP to get back to my winning ways, I didn't need him anymore and it's as simple as that. Just like I became a huge international star, I didn't need this second rate city anymore and moved to Florida. You know, the fact is I am so over those temper tantrums and I'm in touch with my emotions now, and I'm ready to retake my title as the champion of Europe. Because I'm a winner. And for DDP, that's not a good thing, that's a bad thing."

Here's a shot from the CN Tower looking down at the Skydome. Heh, I stood there - it's pretty freaky to be looking straight down into the Skydome and realize if that glass breaks…

CHRISTIAN vs. DIAMOND DALLAS PAGE (for the WWF European Title)

Christian stomps a mudhole in DDP to start - and holds up the belt. Right, right, whip, DDP comes back with a clothesline. Whip - reversed, DDP ducks a clothesline, and hits a punch. Gutwrench, on the shoulder, gutbuster! Cactus clothesline. DDP takes off his vest, and tosses Christian into the security wall. Back into the ring, DDP mounts Christian in the corner. 1, 2, 3, 4, lowblow! DDP gets DROPPED right on his face on the turnbuckle. Hotshot onto the ropes - and DDP is sent off the apron into the security wall. DDP is rolled in - and Christian stomps away. Choke with the boot in the corner. Right, right, right, BANG says Christian! DDP puts Christian in the corner. Right, right, right, whip - Christian gets a boot up, DDP slides out, and trips up Christian. Attempt to yank Christian around the post backfires, and DDP is shot off backwards to the floor. DDP is rolled in, and met with an abdominal stretch! Christian pounds on the ribs. DDP elbows out, Christian ducks a discus lariat, and nails DDP with a Slop Drop backbreaker. Cover, 1, 2, DDP gets out. Christian chokes DDP in the corner, whip, reversed - DDP charges Christian in the corner, but he gets an elbow up and Page is grounded. Christian heads to the top, but DDP cuts him off. Overhead slam! DDP is to his feet first - and connects with the discus lariat! DDP fakes a punch, Christian blocks, spinning powerbomb! 1, 2, Christian gets out! Knee to DDP's midsection - DDP ducks the short arm lariat, Christian escapes the belly to back suplex and lands on his feet, DDP reverses the Unprettier into the Diamond Cutter, but Christian shoves him off into the ropes! Christian charges, DDP moves, tries a Diamond Cutter, but Christian holds onto the ropes. Out of the corner, Slop Drop! 1, 2, NO! Man, I thought that was it. Sting beat DDP with that same sequence in April of 1999 for the World Title. Christian doesn't throw a temper tantrum, and gets rolled up, 1, 2, Christian escapes. DDP ducks a clothesline, Diamond Cutter, 1, 2, 3!!!

Time: 6:08
**1/4

"Christian, I gotta tell you something, I'm proud of you bro. Not only did you lose tonight, but you didn't lose your temper. And that's pretty impressive, you controlled your anger, even though you lost in front of 67,000 fans watching at the Skydome and the gazillions of fans watching at home. And Christian, that's not a bad thing, that's a good thing."

Christian throws a tantrum. JR: "Get that boy a diaper". Any brands you'd care to recommend old man?

The Coach stands with The Rock backstage. "Finally, The Rock has come BACK to Toronto. Hulk Hogan, the stage is set, Wrestlemania, the biggest matchup of all time. A matchup that will determine who will go down as the greatest ever. And last week you asked The Rock, you stood in the ring and you asked The Rock, whatchu gonna do when Hulkamania runs wild on you? You see Hogan, what you're failing to realize, what The Rock wants you to remember is The Rock wants Hulkamania to run wild on him tonight. The Rock wants Hulkamania in all of his glory. Coach, let The Rock ask you something. Did you take your vitamins this morning?" "Well actually I did Rock" "(makes baby noises) Well let The Rock ask you this, did you say your prayers?" "Well, actually I got kinda busy…" "You got busy? Saying your prayers? The Rock says thanks everyday, we all do, and you got busy? Well what are you waiting for Coach, what are you waiting for? Shut up Coach, you don't make any decisions around here. The Rock's not gonna make a decision tonight, excuse The Rock one second. Would you people like to see The Coach say his prayers? You see Coach, they believe in you, The Rock believes in you, so Coach, say your prayers. Put your hands together Coach, put them together Coach, look up at the sky, get down on your knees Coach. Get on your knees, say your prayers, give your thanks, get down on your knees Coach. We all believe in you Coach. Now you say your prayers like you've never said them before." "What up G? Coach here, I just wanted to give you a quick shout out, good night for everyone." "What in the blue hell is wrong with you? What up G? That's how you give thanks? Get out of here you sick freak! You don't give thanks like that, get his candyass out of here. You see Hulk Hogan, The Rock wants Hulkamania in all of his glory. Whatchu gonna do Hulk Hogan when you face The Rock tonight, when you've got butterflies in your Hulkastomach, and you reach down to see if you've still got a Hulkastrudel. Hulk Hogan whatchu gonna do when The Rock runs wild on you? But you know what Hogan, The Rock is going to tell you exactly what you're going to do. The Rock will tell ya, you're going to feel the electricity like you've never felt it before, electricity that will happen like never before, Hulk Hogan you're going to hear 70,000 strong chanting your name, chanting The Rock's name. Hulk Hogan, you will see The People's Elbow come crashing down on your chest, and Hogan, above all else, above all else, you will, you will, you will, you will, you will, good god almighty you WILL SMELLLLLLLL WHAT THE ROCK IS COOKING!"

GOLDUST vs. MAVEN (for the WWF Hardcore Title)

Goldust shoves Maven off the aprong right away. Maven gets tossed upside down into the security wall. Yowch! Maven set up - Goldust dives off the apron, and tosses Maven like a slingshot off the wall. Goldust grabs a cookie sheet, nails Maven, and rolls him into the ring. Gold garbage can set up - Maven catapulted, but misses the garbage can. Maven tosses the garbage can at Goldust - and misses the dropkick, but certainly not on purpose. Goldust, ever a champion, sells it. Two blown spots in a row, eep… Cover, 1, 2, kickout. Shot to Maven's midsection, and an attempted vertical suplex. That's reversed into a small package, 1, 2, Goldust escapes. Goldust ducks a clothesline, nails a neckbreaker. 1, 2, kickout. Flapjack, Goldust heads under the ring, and finds a golden shovel. He sets in up under Maven's throat, and steps on it, slinging it up. Goldust sets a garbage can up in the corner, and whips Maven across the ring into it. Goldust covers, 1, 2, Maven escapes. Goldust grabs a trash can lid, but so does Maven, and both men get clocked, with Goldust falling to the floor. Spike Dudley rushes into the ring, covers, Maven, 1, 2, 3!

Time: 3:16
1/4*

Crash Holly rushes the ring, and we have a chase going through the crowd. Goldust too joins the rush, Maven gets up, and runs too.

Nothing beats the WWF live. Tomorrow night, Montreal, Tuesday, Ottawa. I can't believe I didn't have $25 to get a ticket to either show. I suck.

Icon vs. Icon - buy a Rock vs. Hogan poster, shirt, and Wrestlemania X8 book.

Here to tell us more about HHH vs. Jericho is Drowning Pool. I'm listening, and I don't really hear a story. Not to mention, I hate this type of music. Why, this feels like a FAST FORWARD moment. At Wrestlemania. Tsk.

Backstage, Crash is beating on Spike Dudley. Out of nowhere with a crazy grin on his face comes Al Snow on a golf cart. He crashes through a bunch of boxes, while the midgets fight. Spike takes care of Crash - but in swings The Hurricane out of nowhere! 1, 2, 3! We have another new Hardcore Champion. Al comes out of the fallen boxes, and sees the title is gone. "DAMN!"

Please Don't Try This At Home!

Moments ago, The Hurricane, yadda yadda yadda.

Remember, Backlash is April 21st, in the Kempner Arena.

KURT ANGLE vs. KANE

"Before I get started, I just want to say one thing. If I would have won my Olympic gold medal the way this country's figure skaters won their Olympic gold medal, I'd want to shoot myself in the freakin' head. Because unlike your so-called Olympic gold medallists, I didn't win my medal by whining and complaining until someone gave it to me. I won it the old fashioned way, I earned it. Because I am the big red, white, and blue machine. And Kane, I hope you're listening, because after tonight…" BOOM! HELLFIRE AND BRIMSTONE!

Kurt clocks Kane with the ringbell before they can ring it. Hah! Rights to the head of Kane, but Kane tries to fight back. Kurt ducks one of the punches and nails a German suplex. Stomps to Kane in the corner and the ref asks him to stop. Kane blocks a charge, and attacks with uppercuts. Kane whips Kurt across the ring, Kurt comes out of the corner, and gets caught with the double chokehold in the air. Kane grabs Kurt by the throat, the ref orders a break, so Kane drops Kurt with a clothesline. Whip across the ring - Kurt ducks away and Kane takes a turnbuckle to the chest as he charges. Kurt ducks an oncoming clothesline, and hits a belly to belly overhead. Wow! Clothesline drops Kane. Another clothesline. He stomps at the back of Kane, the chokes him on the ropes. Whip into the turnbuckle - out of the corner, belly to back suplex, 1, 2, Kane kicks out. Kurt puts on a front facelock. Kane powers out and drops Kurt belly first on the mat. Kurt fights back with punches. Kurt charges, but gets met with a sidewalk slam. Boot to Kurt's stomach - vertical suplex is reversed into a German suplex from Kurt! Kurt is god! A second German suplex! Make it three! Cover, 1, 2, Kane kicks out. Kurt goes up to the top rope, dives, and hits a clothesline. Whoooo! Kurt goes up a second time, dives again, but Kane hits the clothesline on Kurt who's on coming. They start to trade punches. Knee to the midsection of Kane, whip, reversed, and he takes a boot to the face coming off the ropes. Another whip - big backdrop this time. Kane charges in the corner and splashes Kurt. Whip across the ring, Kurt comes out of the corner, and gets nailed with a powerslam. 1, 2, Kurt kicks out. Whip across the ring, Kurt gets an elbow up - charges, but is caught with the Chokeslam! 1, 2, hand on the rope!!! Kane announces that this is it with the thumb across the throat. He goes for the tombstone, but Kurt pulls on the mask, hits the Olympic Slam, 1, 2, KANE KICKS OUT! ARGH! Down come the straps - Anglelock! Kane rolls over, shoves Kurt away, but Kurt's right back and locks it on again. Kane crawls, gets to the ropes. Into the middle of the ring…Kanezuigiri. Kane goes to the top rope gingerly, and Kurt's up in one smooth move arm dragging him off the top! Kurt waits for Kane to get up. Olympic Slam is blocked - Chokeslam is reversed into a rollup. It's awkward, Kurt puts his feet on the ropes, 1, 2, 3!

Time: 10:47
**3/4

The Hurricane sneaks around backstage into a room. He grabs a broom and stands behind a change screen. It's a bunch of the Godfather's ho's! The girls talk about the size of their breasts, then notice The Hurricane's broom sticking out LIKE AN ERECTION! The Godfather chases him off.

Video package hyping Flair vs. Taker.

THE UNDERTAKER vs. RIC FLAIR (in a No Disqualification match)

Flair charges down the aisle and delivers punches to Taker. They head out to the floor - and Flair being the crazy old man he is dives onto Taker on the announce table, and pound away. Taker stands, and Flair pops him a couple more times. Taker walks towards the ring and fires back. Flair is knocked to the floor - and Taker heads in. Flair's back in the ring and continuing to deliver punches. Taker rolls out to the floor once again and checks for blood. Flair dives off the apron right into the awaiting arms of Taker - and Taker rams him into the ringpost. Flair staggers, and gets sent head first into the steps. Flair heads in, and Taker follows. Flair's firing back in the corner with punches, and Taker's staggering. He grabs Flair by the throat and throws Flair into the corner. Punches for Flair - followed by a headbutt. Whip across the ring - Flair flip doesn't work and Flair stays in. Taker sets Flair in the corner, delivers an elbow, and drops him with a right to the mat. Whip, Flair flip works this time, and a big boot sends Flair to the floor. Taker picks him up and says "Now we go to school". Taker starts with the soupbones to Flair, who's seated in a chair at ringside. Flair starts bleeding, and has nowhere to go. Taker brings him back into the ring, and kicks him in the face. Into the corner, more soupbones! Flair flop! Flair stands and chops back! WHOO! Chop, chop, chop, chop, whip - oops, that was reversed, into the corner, and Taker charges with a clothesline. Whip across the ring, another clothesline. He sets Flair on the top rope, and headbutts him. Picks him up - SUPER SUPER VERTICAL SUPLEX! GOOD GOD THAT'S HIGH OFF THE GROUND! Cover, 1, 2, he picks Flair up! Hahaha, Taker's a bad mofo! He grinds his elbow into the face of Flair. Flair: "You son of a bitch!" Taker drops a fist, and pulls Flair half on the apron. Taker heads out, and elbows Flair in the face. Back on the apron - he drops a leg across the back of Flair's head! Taker goes back inside the ring, covers, 1, 2, picks him up again!! Hammering on the head of Flair. Off the ropes - misses and elbowdrop. Lawler: "Can I ask you one question real quick? What in the heck is a Booger Red?" JR: "I'll tell you tomorrow." I don't think he did. Time to go Old School! Taker talks too long to Flair though - and gets whipped off the top! Flair chops back, comes off the ropes, but gets caught back in a sidewalk slam. 1, 2, Flair gets up. Taker charges across the ring - misses the big boot and is caught in the ropes. Chop, chop, chop, Taker falls out to the floor. Ric Flair follows close enough. Taker heads towards his bike trying to get the lead pipe - but Flair fights him off and gets to it first! Lead pipe to the head of Taker! WHOOOO! More shots with the pipe to the head and body. Taker dives at Flair, which knocks the pipe away. Taker's bleeding now too though. Flair is driven into the guard rail up the aisle, but he grabs a "Keep Off" sign and starts to nail Taker with it. He punches at the forehead of Taker in the ring! Taker quickly has enough of that, and grabs Flair with the chokehold. Flair - in classic Nature Boy form, goes low! WHOOOO! Figure Four coming up - and he puts it on!!! Taker falls, Flair wants the ref to count him out. 1, 2, he's up, and he's got the throat of Ric! CHOKESLAM! 1, 2, Flair kicks out!! Taker starts to hammer on Flair, covers, 1, 2, Flair kicks out again! Taker argues with Charles Robinson, and drives him into the turnbuckle, so he's out cold. Taker goes and finds his lead pipe, but Flair kicks at the knees of Taker. Chop, chop, chop, whip, ARN ANDERSON'S IN, SPINEBUSTER!!!! 1, 2, TAKER KICKS OUT! He knocks Flair away, and goes to get Arn! Arn is rolled in, and he's busted open. Big boot to Arn, followed by a dragon sleeper! Flair gets back in the ring with a chair, and he nails Taker twice, drives it into his chest, another shot, but Taker gets the boot up and down goes Flair! Last Ride is set up - but he can't hit it. So he sets up a TOMBSTONE! NAILS IT!!! 1, 2, 3!!!!

Time: 18:45
***1/2

Taker clotheslines Charles Robinson just because he can - and counts 10 on his hands. Man, talk about a career revival, Taker's been on fire over the past year or so!

Before they were stars - Edge had a bad haircut.

Booker T wears glasses and stands with Michael Cole. "What? First of all, I'm a highly intelligent man. I got glasses don't I? Let me tell you something, I was ranked #1 in my class. I aced that SAT, now can you dig that? I even won an award for my high school thesis, Einstein's theories of relatives." "You mean the theory of relativity right?" "Shut up sucka. He had two theories. Man, you just like Edge. You think you're so smart. Let me tell you something, Edge ain't smarter than me, he ain't better than me, and he damn sure ain't as good looking as I am. You know something, after tonight, Edge is going to be the spokesman for a new product. And that product will be the new book called "I just got my ass kicked at Wrestlemania by the 5 time WCW champion." Now can you dig THAT sucka?"

Here's another long shot of the Skydome - complete with glowing roof. JR: "Somebody bring me a cheeseburger." Wha…?

BOOKER T vs. EDGE

JR continues to irritate the hell out of me by screwing up stats, mentioning Booker T is a 10 time WCW Tag-Team champion. While I appreciate the fact he's actually remembering WCW history, and NOT WWF history instead of vice-versa for a change, he added a couple more a few months ago. I KNOW I'm nitpicking - but he gets PAID to know more than I do about the sport. And he does. But he can't constantly go flubbing those numbers - and this is NOT the first time. If you don't have time, get lost, because someone else will give the time and passion to it.

They lock up. Bit of dancing around - break, and they exchange punches. Whip from Edge - Booker comes off with a shoulder block. Booker T comes off the ropes - Edge with a leapfrog, Booker off the other side - and Edge connects with the dropkick. Booker back to his feet, and Edge is right there with a facebuster! 1, 2, Booker T kicks out. Another whip - reversed - Booker catches Edge and drops him back across the ropes. Edge bounces back into the ring. Harlem sidekick - cover, 1, 2, Edge kicks out. Clothesline sends Edge out to the floor, and Booker follows onto the apron. Forearm is dropped across Edge's back - and Booker heads up top. MISSILE DROPKICK! 1, 2, Edge kicks out. Damn! 3 years ago, Edge is toast. How the mighty have fallen, eh Booker? Into the corner, Booker chops and stomps away. Edge turns the tables, and punches at Booker. Whip is reversed by Booker - Edge caught coming off the ropes, and a double leg slam! Cover, 1, 2, Edge kicks out. Booker again goes to the top - but Edge cuts him off. Edge up - hurricanrana, and WHOOPS Booker fell right on Edge! The WWF production crew is there to get the attention off that with a replay. I know I whine a lot about the WWF, but their production is second to none - kudos for that aspect. Whip by Booker - Edge ducks a clothesline, and he hits a spinning heel kick. Clothesline, clothesline, whip, reversed, and Booker with a knee to the midsection. Off the ropes - axekick misses, reverse facebuster by Edge, hook the leg, 1, 2, Booker escapes. Edge heads to the top rope - spinning heel kick! 1, 2, Booker kicks out. Booker is whipped - but he leapfrogs Edge's charge, and rolls Edge up from behind. Edge is out right away - and catapults Booker face first into the turnbuckle! Edge set - spear - misses as Booker leapfrogs, and Edge eats the turnbuckle. Booker right there with a mulekick - and it's Spinaroonie time! Off the ropes he comes - axekick! Cover, 1, 2, Edge kicks out. Booker: "WHAT?" Bookend is blocked by Edge - and he comes off the ropes with a spear! 1, 2, Booker kicks out. Edge can feel it - and he looks to his hands. Edgearoonie! Edge ducks the oncoming Harlem sidekick - ducks a second - Edgecution! 1, 2, 3!

Time: 6:32
**1/4

The Hurricane tiptoes around and The Coach finds him. He asks The Hurricane about the escorts. "Holy insinuations citizen Coach - you dare question the integrity of the Hurricane? Whatsupwitdat? I am not a Hurripervert. What I am is the Hurrihardcorechampion 24/7." Mighty Molly appears. "Quick - to the Hurricycle!" "And how." And she waffles him with a frying pan. 1, 2, 3. We have a new hardcore champion!

Here's a video package, setting up the n.W.o. vs. Steve Austin.

STEVE AUSTIN vs. SCOTT HALL (with Kevin Nash)

Austin wastes no time beating the piss out of Hall. Hall goes down, and we've got a mudhole stomping. Whip off the ropes - shoulderblock. Hall is sent into the turnbuckle a couple of times and gets chopped. Hall with a finger to the eye - whip - reversed, Hall meets the Thesz press. Austin with a double axehandle. Face first goes Hall a bunch of times again, trying to get a What chant going. It works. Whip - Hall takes the opportunity to scoot out to the floor. Austin gives chase, levels Nash, sends Hall into the commentary table, then to the steps. Hall is rolled in - whip into the ropes - and Hall clotheslines him down. 1, 2, Austin's out. Austin gets chopped in the corner - but Austin immediately reverses it and beats on Hall some more. Whip is reversed and Austin goes into the exposed bolt - from the turnbuckle Nash removed moments ago. On the floor Nash beats up Austin. Hall rolls Austin in and kicks at him. Whip into the corner - and Hall charges with a clothesline. Opposite corner - Hall hits it again. Austin picked up - fallaway slam. Cover, 1, 2, Austin kicks out. Whip - Austin caught, tries to reverse with a hiptoss, but Hall levels him with a clothesline. Cover, 1, 2, Austin again kicks out. Nash scowls at ringside. Hall drapes his leg over Austin and chokes him in the ropes. As the ref tells him off, Nash nails Austin with a punch. Hall stomps on Austin in the corner. As Austin starts to get up, Nash is there again with a punch to the head. Whip, reversed, spinebuster. Austin is up, and Hall starts to throw more punches at Austin. Austin is staggering - but as Hall comes off the ropes, Austin with a boot and a Stunner. 1, 2, ref is pulled out by Kevin Nash. Nash is immediately into the ring and drops Austin. Hall heads out to the floor and gets himself a chair. Nash holds Austin in a full nelson - but Austin kicks Hall in the gut, escapes Nash's hold, hits a Stunner on Hall, and a Stunner on Nash. Austin covers, no referee. Jack Doan comes in to make the count. 1, 2, Nash falls on top of him. Austin's had enough and sends Nash on a trip back to the floor. He turns around - boot, Outsiders Edge setup - but Hall is sent over the top and to the floor. Everyone takes a look at the entry way, and a million referees come out to chase off Nash. This gets heat from the crowd for whatever reason. Austin meanwhile has caught Hall and is beating the hell out of him. Back in - boot - Stunner is shoved off, and Hall hits one of his own. Here comes Tim White! 1, 2, Austin kicks out. Boot, Stunner is shoved off - Austin with a boot, Stunner. Hall is staggering. Another boot, another Stunner, and Hall falls to the ground. 1, 2, 3.

Time: 9:51
*1/2

What can I say? Scott Hall looked like shit. And I don't mean his performance, I mean his character. Steve Austin has been half assing his performances ever since the n.W.o. came into the federation - and done nothing but make them look like a joke. So much for doing what's right for the business and making money for everyone. And while I'm at it - who's looking like the real locker room cancer now? The guys who have done everything they've been told, or the guy who's vetoed any move that might make them look strong. Anyone who wonders why I love Kurt Angle and can't stand Steve Austin can take a look at each of them in their positions and tell me who's going to be more valuable to the company in the long run.

Here's a look at WWF Fan Axxess. I saw this on Excess, so I'll use the fast forward button here.

THE DUDLEY BOYZ (with Stacy Keibler) vs. THE ACOLYTES vs. THE HARDY BOYZ vs. BILLY and CHUCK (for the WWF World Tag-Team Titles in an Elimination match)

Billy and Chuck get in and they're immediately fighting with the Acolytes. Bradshaw and Chuck start off. Chuck is whipped - ducks a clothesline, and runs right into the arms of Bradshaw. Billy is right there with a neckbreaker, and Chuck falls on top. 1, kick out. Chuck runs into the ropes, and right into the boot of Bradshaw. Billy leaps and into the arms of Bradshaw - fallaway slam. Bradshaw pounds on the back of Chuck - and hits a belly to back suplex. Punches to the head of Chuck, and in comes Faarooq. They double team Chuck. Faarooq with a hard punch to drop Chuck. Whip into the corner - and Chuck comes out with a knee to drop Faarooq. Billy is tagged in, and they both stomp on Faarooq. Punch, cover, 1, 2, Faarooq is out. Boot to the midsection of Faarooq - fameasser misses, and in comes Bradshaw. Shoulderblock to Billy. Whip - clothesline. In comes Chuck, but he's dropped. DDT to Billy, 1, 2, he kicks out. Tag out to D-Von, who's dropped by Bradshaw. Bubba gets knocked off the apron, but he scoots in to set up a 3-D. To no avail though - because D-Von takes a big boot, and Faarooq is on Bubba with a spinebuster. Billy gets Bradshaw in the corner and we watch Faarooq give a spinebuster to Chuck. In the ring - Bradshaw with the Clothesline From Hell on Billy! The Dudleys have a 3-D waiting for him right away though, and it hits! D-Von covers, 1, 2, 3.

Time: 3:24

Thanks for playing boys. The Hardys immediately attack the Dudleys - and double backdrop Bubba. D-Von is whipped - and met with a double back elbow. Legdrop / standing senton combo. Cover by Jeff, 1, 2, D-Von kicks out. JR wonders who's legal, and I think the rules have been shot to hell already. Chuck is whipped off the ropes - met with a double boot, and a double DDT which stands him on his head. Outside the Dudleys set up a table. Matt hits a baseball slide dropkick on D-Von, and Jeff's there with a slingshot crossbody on Bubba. Here's a far away shot of all kinds of fighting, I can't keep up. Jeff off the top with the Whispering Wind on Bubba, and he takes off his shirt. Good GAWD he's white! Stacy on the apron, shows off her ass. Jeff dances along with her, slaps her ass, gives her a kiss, and sends her on her way. Boot to Bubba - mounts him, but he stays on the shoulders long enough for Billy to come off the top with a shoulderblock. Billy nails Matt off the apron - and walks right into a Bubbabomb. Bubba chokes Jeff with Jeff's shirt. Stacy holds her ass. Bubba chops away at whitey. I thought tanning was mandatory now? Jeff is whipped across the ring - and my computer inexplicably crashes, causing me to lose about 5 minutes worth of play by play. Who the hell cares - nothing of any sort of importance happened anyway. So we'll skip ahead.

Matt's busy cleaning house - until he knocks Billy and Chuck off the apron, and Bubba nails him with a belly to back suplex. Bubba goes up top - and misses the butt splash. Matt up to the second rope, HOOOOOO, vegematic! 1, 2, Bubba's out. Scoop slam - and D-Von goes up while Bubba holds the legs. D-Von's sent off the top by Billy out of nowhere - and through a table! Matt with the Twist Of Fate on Bubba, followed by the Swanton, 1, 2, 3.

Time: 11:49

Chuck's right in there, clotheslining Jeff, and hitting the Jungle Kick on Matt. 1, 2, Matt kicks out. Jeff ducks a clothesline, and drops both legs on Chuck's groin. Billy sends Jeff out to the floor. The cobra clutch from Billy is blocked, and Matt hits one of his own. Jeff is tagged in - Poetry In Motion on Billy. Chuck is clotheslined, Poetry In Motion on Chuck. Twist Of Fate, Swanton Bomb, but there's Billy with a fameasser on Jeff. Cactus clothesline from Matt on Billy, but Chuck climbs over. 1, 2, Jeff kicks out. Billy grabs the tag-team title belt, clocks Jeff, 1, 2, 3.

Time: 13:50
*

Blech. Let's move on.

The Outsiders are chatting backstage. "Austin got lucky, that's all there is to it. I'm better than him, you know it, I know it, he knows it, that's all there is to it. I'm better than Austin, he got lucky, that's it." "It ain't gonna happen twice. Tonight, what happened to us just now, we take out on The Rock." Hollywood Hogan stumbles over. "You know something? I know you guys are really hot, you got a reason to be. I need a favor from the brotherhood man. I need to go out there on my own. I need to do this by myself. In my heart my friends, I need to find out if I'm the man. And when I prove I'm the man, out there all alone n.W.o. style 4-life, I wanna make sure that jabroni, just like I did Rocky Balboa, ain't got no excuses when I bust him up real bad." Hogan wanders off. "Kev, you hear what he said?" "We're still comin' man, it doesn't mean we ain't gonna be involved in this."

Mighty Molly runs around - and right into a swinging door. Some feet appear - and it's Christian! "Stand back, there's a new champion coming through!" 1, 2, 3. New Hardcore Champion! Christian's missing a World Title, and he'll be the first to complete the cycle! Count 'em, he's held Lightheavyweight, Hardcore, European, Tag-Team (x7), and Intercontinental.

Here's a video package that we've grown so used to tonight. The Rock and Hulk Hogan - NEXT!

HOLLYWOOD HOGAN vs. THE ROCK

We have ourselves a stare down. RING THAT BELL! Lock up - and Hogan shoves Rocky to the mat. Big posedown. Big pop. Just bring it says Hogan. Lock up again - and Hogan gets the side headlock. Rocky shoves him off, and Hogan knocks him over with a shoulderblock. Posedown, CUP THAT EAR! Just bring it! Crowd chants "Hogan". JR: "A mixed reaction!" Lock up - Hogan knees Rocky, and beats him to the ground with forearm shots. "You ain't nothin' meatball". Whip - and Hogan runs Rocky over with a clothesline. Right, whip - Rocky ducks a clothesline, and hits a flying clothesline on the otherside. BOOOOO! Rocky tells Hogan to just bring it. Hogan shoves Rocky. Rocky shoves Hogan. Rocky blocks Hogan's punch, right, right, right, right, SPIT IN THAT FIST AND GIVE ME A RIGHT! Hogan takes the Kevin Nash 'over the top to the floor' routine. The Rock follows, and connects with an elbow to the back. Hogan's rolled in. Right, right, whip, reversal, kick, clothesline, and Hogan's down. Rock Bottom is blocked by Hogan. Right, down goes Rocky. Whip - elbow. Elbowdrop, elbowdrop, step on Rock's face. In the corner, right, whip - Hogan follows and clotheslines Rocky in the corner. Right, whip, and we have some miscommunication, right, right, right. Whip - Rocky tackles Hogan and punches him on the ground. BOOOOO! Hogan ducks a punch, and hits a belly to back suplex. 1, 2, Rocky kicks out. Abdominal stretch, pound the ribs, again, again, again, Rocky escapes, schoolboy, 1, 2, Rocky's out. BACKRAKE OF DEATH! TWO OF THEM! THREE OF THEM! And it gets popped! Right, chop, right, chop, "Hogan, Hogan", right, chop, Hogan mounts Rocky. 1, 2, 3, bite that face! Rocky turns it around, chop, chop, chop, chop, cup of the ear, chop and the fans are booing him out of the building. This is surreal. I hope you believe in magic because you're witnessing it. Whip - reversal - Hogan charges, but Rocky gets an elbow up. Rocky charges, and walks into a chokeslam! Hogan chokes him on the mat! Hogan takes off some tape, and chokes Rocky with that. Right is blocked, Rocky counters. Again, right, right, right, right, Rocky bounces off the ropes - and gets tossed out to the floor! Hogan follows and boots Rocky in the ribs. Face first to the ringsteps. Hogan drops Rocky across the security wall - and clears the announce table. Rocky fires back, and shoves Hogan's face into the table. Rocky grabs a chair, but Mike Chiota steals it. Rocky argues - so Hogan runs him over with a clothesline. Back in - Rocky's firing away. Right, right, whip, reversal, Rocky is tossed right into Chiota. Right from Hogan, right, whip, reversal, spinebuster! BOOOOO! Rocky takes him down as he tries to get up, and Hogan's put in the Sharpshooter. Hogan climbs to the ropes - and Rocky pulls him back. Hogan taps!!! But the referee is still dead. Rocky is PISSED, and smacks Chiota around trying to wake him up. "Rocky sucks, Rocky sucks!" Lowblow from Hogan! ROCK BOTTOM FROM HOGAN! 1, 2, ROCKY KICKS OUT! Hogan can't believe that - and takes off his weightlifting belt! Whip, whip, whip, Hogan wraps it around his fist - whips Rocky into the ropes, Rocky ducks the punch, and hits the DDT! Rocky sees the belt and grabs it. Chiota's still half dead despite the count moments ago. Whip, whip, whip, whip, whip, whip, whip, whip. Hogan walks into a Rock Bottom! 1, 2, and Hogan's out!!!!! HE'S HULKING UP! Forget the right, he can't feel it! YOU! Spin to the fist - HOGAN BLOCKS IT! Punch, punch, punch, big boot, LEGDROP! 1, 2, ROCKY KICKS OUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Right, right, right, whip - big boot! LEGDROP MISSES! Rocky's on his feet - ROCK BOTTOM! Rocky's shaking his head - that's not enough. ANOTHER ROCK BOTTOM! He nips up - off comes that elbow pad! PEOPLE'S ELBOW! 1, 2, 3!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HOGAN JOBS TO THE PEOPLE'S ELBOW!

Time: 16:22
****

Sometimes the crowd can make all the difference between a * match and a **** match. Not often. Congratulations Toronto, you just carried Hulk Hogan to his best match in about 8 years.

And what's with this not being the main event? There is NO WAY that Triple H and Jericho can top this in terms of crowd heat, and even storytelling. Not with Stephanie lurking around ringside. Good god almighty, when Hulk Hogan is still able to leave Wrestlemania 18 years after its inception and be the most talked about act of the night - you know he's either the man, or the WWF's really in need of a fresh act!

Rocky leaves the ring to allow Hogan the chance to "pass the torch" by posing for about 10 minutes. However, that's cut short when The Outsiders arrive and start to beat the piss out of Hogan. Apparently, much like Berlyn, losing is not an option. Rocky scoots back into the ring and beats off The Outsiders. Would they go with a tag-team match and nothing on the line for Backlash? Rocky and Hogan proceed to hulk up and pose for the crowd to a huge ovation. No Real American.

Buy the new WWF CD - it has rare Creed on it.

The Big Show is in WWF New York hanging with the fans. Man, how did this guy go from the main event, to a Hardcore Title match, to WWF New York in two years? Poor bugger.

Our proud sponsor Pizza Pizza set an attendance record of 68,237. Or something like that.

JAZZ vs. LITA vs. TRISH STRATUS (for the WWF Women's Title)

Trish is decked out in Canadian colors - and surprisingly (didn't think I'd have said THIS two years ago) is the best wrestler in this match.

Jazz and Lita waste no time in rolling around. Trish gets in and pulls Jazz off. Lita and Trish proceed to gang beat Jazz, which could be construed as racist if I were that kind of columnist. The white girls chop the black girl - so Jazz holds her own and beats the two of them down. You go sista! Jazz gets a half crab on Trish, then a double arm chicken wing on Lita. Elbowdrop, 1, 2, Lita kicks out. Overhead butterfly suplex from Jazz to Lita - and then she sends Trish to the floor. Lita hammers on Jazz. Whip is reversed, but Lita hits a headscissors. Whip into the corner, Jazz comes out, and Lita hits a spinning belly to back suplex. Cover, 1, 2, Jazz is out. Jazz rakes the eyes. Lita set in the corner and placed up top. Jazz slaps her around and climbs the ropes. Trish gets back in though - and puts Jazz on her shoulders. Trish can't hold her and drops her. Lita boots Jazz away, and right into a rollup from Trish. 1, 2, Jazz is out. Lita comes off the top with a crossbody onto Trish - but Trish rolls through, 1, 2, Lita's out. Jazz takes out Trish, so Lita and Jazz go to fighting. Jazz is knocked out quickly, and Trish gets a bulldog on Lita, 1, 2, Jazz saves. Splash from Jazz on Lita. 1, 2, no. Boot from Jazz on Trish. Fisherman's suplex from Jazz, 1, 2, Trish gets out. She kicks Lita around, and goes back to Trish. Something's reversed into a reverse DDT, 1, 2, Lita pulls Trish off Jazz. Lita and Trish have words - both turns and nail Jazz, then start to punch eachother. Whip - backdrop on Trish. Lita has Trish in position - HOOOOO - Twist Of Fate is blocked. Boot to Jazz - HOOOO - Twist Of Fate. Trish gets scoop slammed - and Lita goes up top. Litasault is blocked by Trish's knees. Schoolboy, 1, 2, Lita kicks out. Chops from Trish - and a whip - reversed - Trish comes out with a shoulderblock. Jazz is up - but takes a backslide, 1, 2, escape. Jazz clothesline's Trish - charges Lita, but gets backdropped to the floor. Trish is up - goes for the Stratusfaction, but is tossed groin first on the turnbuckle! Lita waits for Jazz to get up and heads to the top. Trish shoves her off, and Jazz shoves Trish to the floor. Super fisheerman's buster from Jazz - 1, 2, 3.

Time: 6:15
*1/4

They tried - but Lita's sloppiness really dragged that one down.

Christian leaves the building with the Hardcore Title. He gets into the car - but takes too much time getting away, and Maven pulls Christian out of the car and rolls him up. 1, 2, 3! He hops into the cab and speeds away. Christian throws a tantrum. Maven leaves Wrestlemania as the Hardcore Champion.

Speaking of Tough Enough guys - go watch Tough Enough. Good segue WWF.

HUNTER HEARST HELMSLEY vs. CHRIS JERICHO (with Stephanie McMahon)

Entrances take two hours. Specifically Triple H's.

The boys circle around eachother. Jericho dives at the knee, but HHH sidesteps. Stephanie offers her advice. Boy, she just ranks up there with Harley Race as an experienced vet I'd want at ringside giving me advice during a big match, yes siree! They lock up, and HHH drives Jericho back to the corner. Jericho turns the tables and goes after the leg. The ref breaks it up - and HHH backs out of there. Jericho again dives at the leg but misses. HHH clubs with punches. Whip - backdrop. Short arm clothesline. Another one. Jericho in the corner - boots at the midsection. Chop, chop, whip, reverse, HHH comes off and uses the knee. However he's hurt his leg. JR strangely enough mentions Harley Race and says he's one of HHH's idols. Really? Man, with all this talk of Harley, suddenly I'd kill to see him resurface as a manager! Jericho backdrops HHH out of the ring. He heads to the top rope - jaws with the crowd, and HHH gets on the apron. Jericho is launched into the front row. HHH with a verical suplex to get Jericho back over the security wall - and just 2:30 into this match it's time to take the Spanish announce table apart. Jericho kicks at HHH's leg, and HHH rolls back in. Jericho dives with a chop block at the leg and connects. Kicks to the thigh in the corner. Jericho jaws with the ref - and HHH comes out with a spear. HHH drops an elbow on the knee of Jericho three times. HHH sweeps Jericho's leg out from underneath him twice. Jericho stands and rakes HHH's eyes. Clothesline is attempted and ducked, which HHH's counters with a single leg atomic drop. HHH puts a figure four on Jericho. Stephanie makes her presence felt by digging her nails into HHH's eyes - forcing him to break the hold. She poses right next to the ring, giving HHH ample time to stand and grab her. He pulls her up - Jericho charges - HHH sidesteps, and she gets speared. Jericho goes to check, HHH gets rid of him, and rolls Stephanie in. He sets up a Pedigree - but Jericho's up top with a missile dropkick! Jericho heads out to the floor, pulling HHH's legs, and wraps them around the ringpost. HHH rolls to the floor to recover while Jericho's in - but Stephanie's there to kick at the thigh. The referee chases her off, so Jericho sneaks in and rolls HHH back into the ring. He kicks and punches HHH who's on the ground. Jericho drops his elbow on the leg of HHH, then a leg submission move. Jericho picks up the leg, and drops it down hard to the mat. A second time. Jericho again grabs the leg of HHH, rolls out to the floor, and wraps it around the ringpost. Jericho distracts the ref, and Stephanie slaps Hunter - then Jericho's back to put the figure four around the ringpost on HHH! Earl demands a break. Jericho breaks, and heads back in. HHH gets some kidney punches, stands, but Jericho's there with a drop toe hold, and keeps the toe hold on - falling back. Oww that looks painful. Jericho with a spinning toe hold - and uses the ropes for leverage! He tries another one - but HHH shoves him off and Jericho goes right into the ringpost. Jericho charges with a clothesline - but HHH ducks and hits a neckbreaker. Jericho stands and kicks at the leg a few times - but comes off the ropes and gets clotheslined. HHH covers, 1, 2, Jericho gets a shoulder up. Whip - reverse - HHH comes out of the corner with a high knee! Jericho rushes HHH, who sidesteps and Jericho goes into the corner. Jericho is whipped - and met with a spinebuster. Cover, 1, 2, Jericho kicks out. Jericho in the corner - a whip is attempted, but reversed right around by Jericho so HHH is sent back into the same corner, and he Flair flips over the top. Jericho starts to take apart the other announce table. Earl tells off Stephanie while Jericho sets HHH on the table. He goes for the Walls Of Jericho - but can't turn it and HHH kicks away. HHH sets up the Pedigree - but as usual he gets backdropped through the Spanish announce table on the other side. When is HHH going to learn his Pedigree almost NEVER works on a table? Of course, last time it did, it nearly killed Kurt Angle… Back in the ring - Jericho hits the Lionsault! 1, 2, HHH gets a shoulder up. Another cover, 1, 2, no. Jericho again goes for the Walls Of Jericho - and again gets shoved off. Blind charge, meets the corner, and HHH goes for the Pedigree, but Jericho hits the leg, and turns around into the Walls Of Jericho! HHH makes the long crawl towards the ropes - and can't quite make it before being pulled back to the middle of the ring. Boy, for a guy with a nearly snapped quad, he sure hangs on a long time. Earl checks the hand, it drops twice but he's still in it at three. HHH finally makes the ropes, and Jericho is not impressed. He heads out and grabs a chair. HHH kicks the chair back in the face of Jericho, while Stephanie distracts Earl. DDT from HHH onto the chair. He covers, 1, 2, Jericho kicks out. Stephanie crawls in and gets the chair. Earl Hebner grabs it away and demands she get out. She shoves Earl - and walks right into HHH. HHH grabs her, and finally hits the Pedigree. Big whoop. HHH stands, and meets the chair Jericho's holding head on. 1, 2, HHH gets out. Jericho waits for HHH to stand, kicks him in the gut, goes for the Pedigree - and sees it reversed into a catapult - but Jericho is able to catch himself on the second rope - bounces off right into a kick to the gut - and a Pedigree. 1, 2, 3.

Time: 18:39
**3/4

I guess it was technically sound and all that jazz with the proper selling. I just can't say I care since this match was NOT about Jericho at all. What's the ONE spot the fans were waiting for all match? 'Nuff said.

Triple H poses with his new belts and roars to the Toronto crowd. First replay we see is…take a guess. He does a little more posing, and we head out to…

A replay package about the whole night to Superstar. This song really sucks. I apologize to everyone who likes Saliva, but this song really really blows, ESPECIALLY as a wrestling anthem.

Total Matches: 11
Average Match Length: 10:36
Average Match Rating: 2.32 stars
Overall: ***

This show is going to be remembered for one thing, and one thing only: The night Hulk Hogan proved that if even for a moment, he's still the man of professional wrestling. If he'd ended on that note, it would have been a really sweet way to go out.

Can't say the show's worth $44.95 - but at least give it a look in the rental bin when it comes out on home video.