WHAT I DID THIS WEEK: Just a RAW and Smackdown! recap as well as a video review of Best Of The WWF Vol. 18. Link to all that stuff is at the bottom of this report, so you have to read this first.

So Excess is switching formats in two weeks. It was inevitable. The show had such promise when they had Trish, live callers, e-mails, From The Vault, and guests. Unfortunately, they gave up on the live calls week 8 which featured the REALLY drunk Acolytes. Trish was tossed on week 18 (which was DEFINITELY the WRONG co-host to replace) and was Tazz's second appearance on the show. I concluded, and still stand by, that that particular episode of Excess was the worst one they ever put to air and more or less the beginning of the end. Week 33 saw guests, e-mails, and From The Vault tossed, which left the show in the shambles they're currently in. It was like watching a miniature WCW in rapid fire mode. And I managed to recap about 75 - 80% of them, as sad as that is…

This week is show #38, and next week is the last. I'm REALLY looking forward to the switch, and I'm hoping Calvin Martin keeps me on for whatever this new show is.

With that, it's time for WWE Excess. With special guest appearances from my Smackdown! and RAW recaps.

Two weeks ago, Triple H tells Chris Jericho there's no way he'll ever win the WWF World Title!

Welcome to WWE Excess! The man of the hour is Michael Cole, with his Skipper Marc Loyd. Quick, hit the recaps before they have to actually say anything interesting.

Like RAW, a woman kicks off the show. However, I have a hard time believing Stacy Keibler's gonna be wrestling though. "And now, let's give a warm welcome to the owner of Smackdown! and my boss, Vince McMahon." I figured. Vince has apparently been in a foul mood all week. Stacy holds the ropes open with her ass. "Thank you very much for that Stacy, thank you for that warm introduction. I uh… (crowd chants Asshole) You're using language like that in the presence of a lady. Well I was wondering Stacy if you uh, if both of us need a microphone. So would you mind getting one more? (Stacy bends over between the ropes. Can you even imagine how he presents this to her before the show?) Stacy, that's alright, on second thought come back over here. Just stand next to me. You see, Stacy's a model employee. Stacy will do everything that I tell or ask her to do. That's a model employee for you. I wish I could clone her as a matter of fact, but unfortunately not everyone here on Smackdown! is the same calibre. We do have some dissident employees. And the one at the top of the list would be the jerk that calls himself The Game Triple H. You see I told Triple H last week do not under any circumstances physically interfere with Chris Jericho's attempt to become champ in the Hogan match. Well, Triple H didn't exactly physically interfere, but nonetheless he did interfere. It was a distraction itself when Triple H came walking down the ramp. (Asshole!) Had it not been for the distraction of Triple H, the interference, Jericho would tonight be the WWE champion. Oh yeah, Jericho definitely would have defeated Hogan without a shadow of a doubt, just like Jericho defeated Triple H two weeks ago in this very ring. You know from now on, we're gonna lay some new rules down for Triple H tonight. I don't want you Triple H to come anywhere near me, 10 feet is fine, no closer than 10 feet. In addition to that Triple H, you will do exactly as I tell you to do. And Triple H, you will do it with a smile, because just as a reminder Triple H, I own Smackdown! and I damn sure own you Triple H. And if you don't do exactly as I tell you to do starting tonight Triple H, there will be hell to pay." Time To Play The Game, and Michael Cole has an orgasm. I swear, if there's one person who looks exactly like his action figures, it's Triple H. Spit shower. Vince moves around the ring as Triple H does, and Michael Cole hammers home the 10 feet. "Don't come within 10 feet of you huh? (Triple H!) What do you think Vince, this seems like about 10 feet. So was it 10 feet, or was it 9 feet? Or was it 8 feet? Or 7, 6, what was it Vince? How close to I have to get before you 'destroy me'? Are you gonna destroy me Vince, or is everything that comes out of your mouth complete bullshit? Now quite frankly, I think it's a lie. Stacy knows it's a lie. Just like when you tell Stacy things like an old man like yourself can satisfy a 20 year old woman. I mean look at her Vince, look how she's looking at me. You think that Stacy wouldn't want a young stud who would pay close attention to every detail of her young body and who could keep her satisfied all night long? Or, would she want a wrinkled up old bastard with bad breath and a bad toupee? Come on Vince, Stacy knows it's a lie. It's a lie when you tell Stacy things like 'I don't know what happened, this happens to a lot of guys'. Or you know, when you're standing there au natural and you say 'Gosh Stacy, it's just that it's a little cold in here'. Yeah Vince, it's all one big lie isn't it? But I'll tell ya what isn't a lie, it's the fact that Anna Nicole Smith over here is just waiting for the Billionaire to kick the bucket so she can collect the cash. And I'll tell ya what, you get in my face anymore, and I'm gonna speed up the process." "This ring is no place for your Stacy, not with what's gonna happen right now. You think I'm gonna listen to your insults PAL? Uh? You think I'm an old man? You think I'm won't slap you in the face? You think I won't beat the living hell out of you?" Vince throws down his coat, and Triple H rips off his shirt. Before anything can happen, Lance Storm, Christian, Test, Bob Holly, and D-Von all make their way down. Huh? Storm goes down when he attacks, ditto Holly, see ya Christian, Test, D-Von gets in an attack and everyone hits him at the same time. Down he goes and they stomp a mudhole in him. Chris Jericho, chewing gum and smiling heads down the ramp. "Yeah, look at you now, huh? And look who's coming! How do you like that huh?" Jericho has a chair and sets it up right in front of Triple H while Lance Storm and D-Von hold him hostage. Fans chant for Hogan. Jericho slaps Triple H - and Triple H dives on him to attack. Everyone jumps on Triple H - he's help again, and Jericho smacks him over the head with the chair! "It's time to play the game, time to play the game!" Jericho keeps beating him, and Triple H is busted wide open. Walls Of Jericho is put on Triple H, and Vince screams at him. "The pain you're in, you're gonna go to hell! At Judgement Day, at Judgement Day, it's you and Jericho in a match. And that match is called Hell In The Cell!" Triple H taps like mad.

The night was far from over for Triple H however.

REVEREND D-VON (with Some Guy Carrying A Box On A Chain) vs. TRIPLE H

"Oh brothers and sisters, oh I've got tonight's sermon in hand, oh testify! You see, yay though I walk through this place full of sinners I fear no temptations, oh no I don't. Because you see brothers and sisters, Reverend D-Von is a righteous man. Hah, oh I am a man with great joy. And I know that when a good man above smiles upon me, he'll be smiling because I tried to help you sinner and backsliding people. But lo and behold, brothers and sisters, there has been another follower, that's right. This follower will be here to protect the D-Von building fund, that's right. I want everybody to get up out of their seats, put your hands together for Deacon Batista! Now Deacon, keep one eye on the box, as well as the other eye on the ring because Brother D-Von is about to beat the sin out of Triple H." Batista looks like Bull Buchanon, except he isn't Bull Buchanon. Don't e-mail me to tell me who he is, I don't care.

Triple H slides in, ducks a D-Von clothesline, and knocks him down with one of his own. Another clothesline, a third! Whip - backdrop. Right, whip - D-Von kicks Triple H. Off the ropes - spinebuster! Cover, 1, 2, D-Von kicks out. Right is blocked, and Triple H hits a number of his own. Whip is blocked - and D-Von drops Triple H face first onto the turnbuckle. D-Von runs over Triple H with a hard clothesline. Cover, 1, 2, Triple H kicks out. D-Von climbs on top and hammers at Triple H's forhead. Cole mentions that Triple H has been in a Hell In A Cell match before. Ummm, he's been in TWO of them, but I guess we only remember The Big 3 when it comes to Hell In A Cell huh? Bossman's matches, and the 6 man never happened according to WWE. Right hand drops Triple H. Right, Triple H fires back. He gets to his feet, but D-Von rakes the eyes. D-Von tosses Triple H to the floor, and Batista attacks Triple H, running him over with a clothesline. Triple H is rolled back in. Cover, 1, 2, Triple H kicks out. Elbow to Triple H's head. Snapmare takes him down - jumping elbow. To the top rope - flying clothesline, 1, 2, Triple H kicks out. D-Von chokes out Triple H in the ropes. D-Von works over Triple H - snapmare, drops a knee, heads to the top, flying headbutt MISSES. Triple H gets back to his feet, ducks a clothesline, nails a neckbreaker! Triple H rolls out to the floor, and grabs a chair. Batista cuts Triple H off - charges, but Triple H sidesteps and he nails the post. Triple H is back in, and the ref gets rid of the chair. Triple H sets up a Pedigree, Batista distracts the ref, and Jericho's in with the money box. See ya later Triple H! D-Von goes for a cover, 1, 2, 3?!?!?!

Time: 4:43

Holy hell, now THAT'S an upset! Jericho makes EVIL faces.

Michael Cole believes the rivalry will end with a Hell In A Cell match.

UP NEXT: Kurt Angle is positive he'll never go bald.

WWE SLAM OF THE WEEK: Kurt Angle challenges Edge to a hair versus hair match two weeks ago on Smackdown!

Kurt Angle and Edge is a perfect example of a friendship gone bad. The feud continued on Smackdown!

Kurt Angle heads to the ring. Hey, why can't Kurt Angle ever beat Triple H? "As many of you know, at Judgement Day I will be facing my old pal Edge in a hair versus hair match. What that means, incase any of you are confused here in the crowd, which it look like you are, what that means, is that the loser of this match gets his head shaved bald. Now Edge, I know you can be something of a Wisenheimer, but I just want to tell you that two can play that game. (You suck!) Would you please show the graphic of what Edge looks like now? Nice full thick head of hair, good looking man, respectful. Now, let's take a look at what Edge is gonna look like after I'm through with him after Judgement Day. (Hah! This is more or less the same thing that Bobby Heenan did with Kidman a few years ago in that Mask vs. Hair match on Nitro. Oh come on, don't tell me you've forgotten about that whoopass match?) Mr. Clean lives! And ladies, he's single! This is fun, let's go back to the way Edge looks now. Okay, let's compare this. Okay, now let's go back, or actually let's go forward to the way Edge is gonna look like after I kick his butt and shave his head at Judgement Day. (Picture of Kurt Angle is shown bald) Is that hideous or what? That is a dork! That is the single most dorkiest thing that I've ever…DAMMIT EDGE! I know you're behind this, take this stupid crap off, put what I had back on, do it NOW. DO IT NOW! (You Suck shirt is put on screen) That's it Edge, I'm really mad now, you think you're so funny, you think you're so good looking, we'll see how the chicks respond when you're a big stupid bald headed freak. Let's go Edge, I'm through with this, you come out here now and face me like a man. Let's go!" But unless Edge is standing next to a mountain and chopping it down with the edge of his hand, I don't think this is him. Maybe he heard that Kurt was making fun of bald people. No, that can't be it, he never answered RUSSO! "You know something Angle, you've got a problem with bald people brother? (HOLY SHIT!) Don't you know that bald people represent some of the greatest champions this industry has ever seen? I'm talking about Superstar Billy Graham. I'm talking about the Rattlesnake Stone Cold Steve Austin. And oh yeah, there's one other guy that fits that description. (Hogan removes his bandana.) Take a good look at it Angle, the way you're going, this is gonna be you pretty soon brother. And if Edge doesn't get ya at Judgement Day, well quite apparently Mother Nature will. (KICK HIS ASS NOW KURT!)" "Oh yeah, well I hope The Undertaker kicks your butt real good. And just so you know Hogan, if The Undertaker doesn't take that title from you, I will. And one more thing Hogan, there's only one Real American in this company, ME! (TAKE THAT!) You see, while you were saying your prayers and taking your vitamins, I was training to become the single most success story that modern day athletics has ever seen. So if you don't mind, why don't you just kiss my you know what…" And Hogan attacks. Fuck you. Whip - big boot, and Kurt's on the floor. Kurt heads off towards the back, and you know he's mad because he takes off his medals. Back on the stage, Edge spears Angle. Play HIS music! Hogan's cupping the ear a bunch in the ring.

Poor Kurt.

Kurt Angle wasn't quite done with Edge and Hulk Hogan, but we'll talk about that a little later on.

Torrie's been humiliated a lot lately - and on Smackdown! everyone and their mother was hoping she'd finally stand up for herself. So let's see if she did…

TAJIRI (with Torrie Wilson) vs. THE HURRICANE (for the WWE World Cruiserweight Title)

Michael Cole just can't get over the fact that Tajiri is misusing Torrie. I say this because HE says "I just can't get over" about a hundred times in this segment. Ooh, get this. "You know Tazz, we didn't want to change our name but the WONDERFUL people at the World Wildlife Fund thought there might be some confusion between their WWF and our WWF." "Oh yeah, it's very easy to confuse a WWE superstar and a panda."

Kicks to the leg of Hurricane to start. Off the ropes - Hurricane takes Tajiri down with a clothesline. Chop in the corner - climb the ropes, 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, Tajiri sneaks under the legs and kicks him in the back. Tajiri tries a faceplant, but Hurricane lands on his feet. Duck of the clothesline - and Tajiri kicks Hurricane in the mouth. Kick to the midsection, tree of woe is setup. Baseball slide dropkick from across the ring is hit dead on! A couple more kicks, and Hurricane falls down. Hurricane to his feet fights back - but he winds up in a powerbomb position. He's up - but Hurricane hammers home some punches and lands on his feet. Hurricane ducks a clothesline, comes off the ropes and hits a tornado DDT! Whip into the turnbuckle, Tajiri bounces back, neckbreaker! Cover, 1, 2, kick out. Whip - going for the chokeslam, but Tajiri escapes. Whip by Tajiri is reversed - and Tajiri hits the handspring elbow! Tajiri charges - hiptoss over the top and to the floor. Torrie goes over to check on Tajiri, and he shoves her away. Look out - Hurricane over the top with a tope con hilo! Yeah baby! Whip is reversed by Tajiri, Hurricane on the apron, and Tajiri kicks him! Michael Cole: "And now he laughs about it!" I recall Triple H laughing about spanking Kurt Angle in a thong and you thought THAT was okay. Hurricane in the middle of the ring on his knees - the kick is set, but on the announce table Torrie starts stripping? Yep, off with the clothes. Tajiri throws a fit, and gets counted out.

Time: 3:31

Tajiri gets back in, and takes a Chokeslam from The Hurricane. Torrie heads off to the back in her bra and panties.

Nothing made Marc Loyd happier than when she shed her clothing.

STILL TO COME: Mark Henry and Stacy Keibler travel!

Two weeks ago, Hardcore Holly cheated and got DQed against Randy Orton.

RANDY ORTON vs. LANCE STORM

Remember when Lance Storm was the IC Champion? Remember when Christian was the IC Champion? This is all UNDER A YEAR AGO. The announcers notice there's no referee, and no sooner do they mention it that Hardcore Holly makes his way down.

You know, there's nothing I hate more than blatant screwjobs from start to finish where one guy has NO CHANCE no matter what he does of winning. Really takes away from the match. Storm wins with a Canadian Maple Leaf.

Time: 3:33

Post match, Val Venis saves Randy Orton from taking anymore of a veteran beating.

Tough Enough 2 was pre-empted this past Thursday, but fear not, it'll be on THIS week. And they're all in Africa. And SOMEONE'S getting cut! I'll put a bet on…Linda because she's useless.

Off to Melbourne, Australia where Stacy, Vince McMahon, and Mark Henry are hanging out and promoting shows. Mark Henry loves the media attention, and hopes he can come back and do something special. Stacy went out to downtown Melbourne to go shopping. Vince picked up the tab. Mark Henry took a trip to the zoo to see the animals. He got a VIP tour and was all sweet with the animals. In the gift shop he took off with some stuffed animals. He found it very clean, organized, and friendly. Stacy says they have fantastic fans.

Remember earlier when Hulk Hogan said bald is beautiful? Well, Kurt Angle got a chance to face him later that evening. But first, Edge got excited about getting a chance to team with Hogan…

Edge goes knocking on Hulk Hogan's door to find he's not there. "Hulk, Hulkster. Whoa, this is cool. I gotta do it, I gotta. (He puts on the bandana.) The boas? Amazing. Oh yeah, oh yeah. Well let me tell ya something brother, I've been training, saying my prayers, and eating my vitamins. I've been hanging and banging for 40 days and 40 nights on the Titanic brother. I hopped on the back of a great white shark, grabbed it by its dorsal fin with the largest arms in the…with some pretty big arms. And I said whatchoo gonna do brother?" He turns and gets really embarrassed. Hogan's in the room. "Hey. This is yours." "Just for the record Edge, it goes like this. Well let me tell ya something brother, I've been training, saying my prayers, and eating my vitamins. So let's go out there dude and show 'em what it's like to really, really reek of awesomeness brother." "Whew! That was so cool. He called me brother!"

KURT ANGLE and CHRIS JERICHO vs. EDGE and HULK HOGAN

I think my power went out while I was recording this match, but I guess we'll see. Hogan and Kurt start. Nose to nose they go talking trash. Kurt nails Hogan right in the face…and he no sells. Another shot, another no sell. Another, more no selling. Block, right, right, right, whip - clothesline. Elbowdrop, cover, 1, 2, Jericho goes to break it up, Hogan sidesteps and Jericho elbows Kurt. Hogan gets rid of Jericho. Scoop and a slam, elbowdrop, elbowdrop, off with the bandana, stomp. Kurt's picked up, shoved back, and send into the turnbuckle. Right, right, choke with boot. Hogan orders Edge to stick out his boot, he complies, and Kurt's sent into it. Whip into the ropes - tag out to Edge - double back elbow on Kurt. Kurt and Edge trade punches. Whip by Edge - spinning heel kick. Right, chop, whip, reversed - huge belly to belly overhead suplex! Tag to Jericho. Edge is sent into the corner, chop, chop, chop, whip - Jericho with a blind charge and he gets a boot to the face. Edge up top - missile dropkick! Right, right, whip - Jericho ducks under the legs, but Edge still plants him with a facebuster. Kurt in, gets knocked down. Kurt is sent to the floor, Jericho gets hotshotted on the top. Edge to the top rope on Jericho, 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, Kurt knocks him down. Slop Drop from Jericho, cover, 1, 2, Edge kicks out. Jericho stomps away. He cups his ear which annoys Hogan, but he can't come in. Jericho takes the tape off his wrists and chokes out Edge. The referee doesn't see it, and Hogan tries to point it out, allowing a double team. Kurt's in. Vertical suplex, 1, 2, Edge kicks out. Rear chinlock is applied, but Edge gets to his feet and elbows out. Chop - whip - Angle ducks and we have simultaneous cross bodyblocks! Kurt hangs on to Edge, and tags out to Jericho. Jericho grabs a leg, but Edge hits an enzuigiri and in comes Hogan. He's hulking up, and everyone gets punches. Double noggin' knocker, double clothesline, and Jericho rolls out. Whip to Kurt - big boot and out with the power…

When we return, Triple H is in the ring. He has a sledgehammer in his hands, and everyone's dead. Vince is offering Triple H to deck him - Triple H takes a swing, and Jericho runs him over with a chair. Jericho poses on top of Triple H and we're out.

Oh yeah, the time on that last match is apparently 6:58 (thanks CRZ), and there was no real finish to the match.

Coming into Hell In A Cell, who has the advantage? The guy with the experience, or the guy who's least injured? It's so dangerous that they haven't had one in a year and a half. And with that, Michael Cole and Mark Loyd sign out.

Three weeks ago, The Big Show turns heel and CHOKESLAMS Steve Austin!

Welcome to WWE Excess RAW edition - the weird looking guy is The Coach, with Raven.

Raven's never been a fan of The Big Show, but admires the fact he took the chance to join the n.W.o. Let's find out his reasons.

Scott Hall, X-Pac, and The Big Show enter the ring, and it's time for our 20 minute interview. "Listen up. I know you little people out there have even smaller attention spans, so incase anyone of you missed it, I wanna show the footage of what happened two weeks ago on RAW. Roll it. (Footage of The Giant joining the n.W.o. is showed) WHAM Austin, I own you right now. I have him by the neck, the biggest star in the WWF, manhandled, slammed, crushed. Is there anything more beautiful? Now since that happened, all of you little fans have asked me why? Why would I do that to Stone Cold? You say What and I'll break everyone of you in half. I'm gonna put it in perspective for you. Two years ago I was in the main event of Wrestlemania. You know what I was doing this year? I was in a restaurant picking your ugly kids up, trying to pretend I'm having a good time. What's the common denominator? Two years ago Austin was hurt, I was in the main events. Austin's back, where am I last pay-per-view? Instead of being in a main event match, I'm in a preliminary match on Heat. I am the biggest, baddest superstar to EVER hit this company. You see it all stems from jealousy, it all stems from insecurity. You small people, you realize deep down inside you can't stop someone like me. You can't control someone like me. So you try to hold me down, denying what's rightfully mine. But oh no, now there's no stopping me. I am a real life seven foot five hundred pound fire breathing walkin' talkin' pissed off Giant. You think this is bad? This works out great. The n.W.o. gets a little supercharge. Basically the n.W.o. just got bigger. As Stone Cold puts it, the bottom line, the bottom line is there's nothing you or Ric Flair can do about it." WHOOOOOO! Ric Flair's on his way out. "Is that what this is all about, is why you're out here whining and crying? 'Cause you weren't at Wrestlemania? I wish I was as big as you, I wish I was as tall as you, I wish I had the gift god gave you. I don't, but I'm a sixteen time, sixteen time, the World's champion, you know why? I didn't whine, I didn't cry, I went out there and worked my ass off every night. If you've got a problem with your position on RAW, look in a seven foot mirror. And as far as n.W.o. goes, I apologized to you guys last week, X-Pac I counted what I saw. You don't like it, that's tough shit. I got no problem telling everyone here, I like Austin, I don't like you guys at all. Yeah, and as much as I want to see Bradshaw, yeah that's right. As much as I want to, and Hartford wants to, and the world wants to, whoooo, as much as Bradshaw and Austin should have you all alone, not gonna happen. They're gonna have the three of you, that's right, right here Hartford tonight, the n.W.o., X-Pac, Scott Hall, The Big Show versus Bradshaw, The Nature Boy whoooo, and Stone Cold Steve Austin, whoooo!" "Hey yo! Let me get this right Flair. That's your big news? That's your surprise? Well uh, chico, the n.W.o. has a surprise for you and all of you, and it's gonna happen in this very ring, and it's gonna change the history of this company forever." Hit the porno music. Flair looks confused, Hall makes the "don't sing it, bring it " motion. We head off to commercial.

So Flair spent the rest of the night trying to figure out what was up…

Ric Flair gets out his boots, and throws one down on the desk. The camera turns and shows he's with Arn Anderson. "Did I hear the n.W.o. go out on my show tonight and say they have a surprise?" "Yep." "I'm Ric Flair, if there's gonna be any surprises tonight I wanna know about it right now. I'm going to their dressing room." "You're the boss." Thanks for showing up Arn!

In the n.W.o. locker room, Flair's looking for anyone. "Where the hell is everybody huh? What's going on around here?" He spies a hat. "An APA hat, in the n.W.o. dressing room? That doesn't work."

Ric Flair walks around in a "Get The F Out" t-shirt. "Bradshaw, Bradshaw. It's Flair. Bradshaw." He finds a Kane mask on the shelf. "Bradshaw's got some explaining to do now. Jackie, where is Austin's dressing room?" "It's down there." "Are you sure?" "Yes." "Thank you." "Are you okay?" "No I'm not."

Ric's pounding away on Austin's dressing room. "Hey Ric." "Hey Debra, I need to talk to Stone Cold right away about our match tonight." "Well he just left to get his knees taped up." "When you see him tell him I need to see him right away." "You looking for me?" Camera spins to reveal Bradshaw. "Yeah as a matter of fact I am, I go to the n.W.o. dressing room and I find an APA hat right, I go to your dressing room and I find Kane's mask. You owe me an explanation." "I don't owe you a damn thang, Stone Cold and I am going to the ring to kick some n.W.o. ass. You just decide whether you're coming or not." I think Flair and Debra have apparently forgotten they hate eachother.

SCOTT HALL, X-PAC, and THE BIG SHOW vs. RIC FLAIR, BRADSHAW, and STEVE AUSTIN

Backstage, The Undertaker has just discovered his crushed motorcycle. He tries to rescue it - but fails, and throws a complete fit. Behind that, a limousine arrives, and Kevin Nash steps out!

Bradshaw wants to start the match, but Austin tags him before it even starts, angering Bradshaw. He's in there against X-Pac. Lockup, side headlock is shoved off by X-Pac. Into the ropes, Austin runs him over. X-Pac leaps on Austin, but gets spinebustered. Hall in - same result. Double noggin knocker. X-Pac is whipped - but it's reversed - X-Pac goes for a dropkick, but Austin hangs onto the ropes and X-Pac hits nothing. Stomp to the midsection - into a catapult right into the corner. Head to the turnbuckle a bunch of times - finger for his own team - one more. Whip - X-Pac kicks Austin in the teeth and tags out to Hall. Right for Austin, right, whip - reversed - Thesz press. Double axehandle, Stunner is attempted but Hall shoves him off. Austin wants Hall to tag in The Big Show. He complies, and in comes the big man. Flair's whoooing away on the apron. Lockup, Show shoves in the corner. Break. Lockup, Austin shoved back into the ropes. Lockup again, shove into the turnbuckle. Austin fires back with rights - whip - reversal - Austin gets backdropped. Bradshaw tags himself in, and Austin doesn't like it. Hall's in on the other side. Right, right, whip - reversal - Bradshaw runs him over with a shoulderblock. Into the corner, clothesline. Whip across to the other side, clothesline for Hall. Right, right, chop - poke to the eye and Hall tags out to X-Pac. X-Pac charges, but a shoulder takes him down. Whip into the corner - Bradshaw blind charges and eats a boot. X-Pac charges, right into a powerslam, 1, 2, X-Pac kicks out. Right, whip - X-Pac ducks a clothesline, and leaps right into a fallaway slam. He wipes his hands of that one - and goes back to the attack. Whip - X-Pac hits a spinning heel kick. In comes Big Show. Headbutt, forearm, into the corner with the knees. Hiptoss sends Bradshaw across the ring. Headbutt, headbutt, headbutt, and Bradshaw's busted open. Big right hand, another, and a pick up. Bradshaw's blood is on Big Show's head. Awesome! Headbutt to the back of Bradshaw's head. Whip - big boot to Bradshaw. Bradshaw tries to fight back, but Big Show lifts a knee, then hammers him down with a right. Elbowdrop, Hall comes in without a tag while the ref deals with Flair who wants in. Hall teaches Bradshaw the real way to do a fallaway slam. Cover, 1, 2, shoulder up. Stomp, tag out to Big Show. Headbutt, down goes Bradshaw. Right drops him again. Big Show talks trash, then drives his knee into Bradshaw's head. Headbutt. Tag out to X-Pac. X-Pac drops his knee a bunch of times, right, right, right, stomp, stomp, stomp. Flair tries to get in again and is sent to the apron. For the second time in this show, I get a Halloween Havoc 1995 flashback, but for different reasons. I'm sure some of you know what I'm referring to. Chop, chop, Bradshaw starts to fight back. The guys trade punches, X-Pac gets him into the heel corner and they beat him down. Whip is reversed - and X-Pac runs into a big boot. Cover, 1, 2, Scott Hall breaks that count up. Austin comes to get rid of Hall, while Flair starts chopping X-Pac. Figure four on the way, and Big Show tosses Flair to the floor. Bradshaw sends Big Show out. Apparently something's happening near the announce table because JR starts yelling about it. Meanwhile, X-Pac whips Bradshaw into the corner. Charge - he misses, and Bradshaw hits the Clothesline From Hell. 1, 2, Big Show drags him out. THE CHOKESLAM right through the table. That's my favorite move in all of pro-wrestling! Austin starts to attack the big man, but Hall stops it and all three attack Austin. In the ring, X-Pac and Hall stomp on Austin. Whip - Austin ducks a double clothesline and hits a clothesline on each man himself. DOUBLE STUNNER! That was pretty cool! Austin crawls around the ring looking for someone to attack. Him and Show have a staredown. Big Show gets in and it's on. Knee to the midsection of Austin, and he hammers away. Headbutt takes down Austin. Forearm to the back, chop, chop, Austin staggers over to another corner. He gets in a kick, but Show attacks and hiptosses Austin. Whip - Austin ducks a clothesline but accidently gets nailed with a Bryan Marchment special! Show follows him out to the floor and rolls him back in. Whip - running clothesline to the corner. Headbutt drops Austin. "Come on Jim Ross, you want some too?" JR starts to go on about what a bully he is. OH SHUT UP! Whip - huge backdrop. Boot to Austin's midsection. Right, whip - blind charge, and Austin gets a boot up. Another chage, another boot. Austin heads to the second rope - and hits the Thesz press! Double bird - Stunner attempt is shoved off, and into the ref who falls out of the ring and dies. Down come the straps. Flair's in with a chair - Show knocks it down and threatens a Chokeslam. Austin from behind with an Uppernut. Flair falls, Show gets hit with a Stunner. Cover, no ref! Austin goes to get the referee. Flair's got a chair, and here it comes folks! WHAM, take that Austin! Flair starts to attack the knee of Austin. I guess that's it. No bell, no contest.

Time: 14:07

"My next official act on behalf of the RAW Brand, kiss my ass punk, is to tell you at Judgement Day is you've got me and Big Show in a handicap match." Here's a jerking of the leg and a figure four for Austin! Big Show laughs like a maniac while Flair gets help from Scott Hall. Now Show helps Flair hold the move and he keeps laughing. Arms up - play Flair's music! And we're out.

Thanks for coming to work Kevin Nash!

Coach can neither understand or justify what Flair did. Raven says Flair has finally earned his respect by standing up to Steve Austin, and not allowing him to run over him. Either way, we've got a handicap match at Judgement Day. Raven says not only The Big Show is problem enough, but Austin's gotta deal with the 20,000 time NWA World Champion simultaneously and there's no way to win this match.

STILL TO COME: A Lita update.

Two weeks ago on RAW, Steven Richards won the Hardcore Title with help from Jazz.

Raven thinks Steven Richards has his eyes on Jazz. Obviously the World Title is the title you're after, but the Hardcore Title is the hardest to hang on to. This even happened on Monday night…

TRISH STRATUS vs. JAZZ (with Steven Richards) (in a No Disqualification Match for the WWE Women's Title)

Lillian makes it through saying WWE, so far so good. Ross hypes the big 6 man for later tonight, with the n.W.o. against Flair/Austin/Bradshaw. Last Monday, Richards won the Hardcore Title with help from Jazz - and they drove away together.

Trish ducks a clothesline, and hits some rights. Whip is reversed - sunset flip, 1, 2, Jazz kicks off. More punches from Trish, boots to the midsection in the corner, and here comes the chops. Whoooo! Whip is reversed, Trish hits the corner - Jazz leaps, but Trish sidesteps and she eats a turnbuckle. Schoolboy, but Richards has the ref busy and can't count. Trish swings at Richards, but he's off the turnbuckle and out of harm's way. Jazz rushes Trish from behind and knocks her out to the floor. On the ground, a headbutt is nailed, and Trish is rolled back in. Ross compares Jazz to Mike Tyson. Stomp that mudhole Jazz! Double underhook overhead suplex - and Jazz is all smiles. The crowd boos, and she doesn't like that much. Another double underhook overhead, cover, 1, 2, Trish kicks out. Jazz gets vicious, choking Trish in the ropes - and hits a forearm right in the face. Cover, 1, 2, Trish gets a shoulder up. Jazz puts a double chickenwing on Trish - and picks her right up into the air. Ow, ow, ow! Trish is dropped right down on her chest, and I think that's the first time I've EVER seen that happen to her. Whip into the ropes, Trish ducks a clothesline - boot to the midsection, STRATUSFACTION! 1, 2, Richards pulls the ref out. It's no DQ, so it's all legal. HUGE Stevenkick right to Trish. Goodnight. 1, 2, 3.

Time: 3:12

Steven with a big hug for Jazz, she's still the champ. Look out though, a trashcan's in, and so's Bubba Ray Dudley. Punching - whip - backdrop - more punching - Bionic elbow - Bionic elbow for Jazz - BUBBA, GET THE TABLE! He heads out to get a table, and sets it up. Bubba Bomb for Steven, not through the table, 1, 2, 3. New Hardcore champ.

Time: 1:08

Jazz has a trashcan lid - but stops before nailing Bubba. She goes for a kick, but he grabs her by the hair. From behind, Raven's in with a trashcan lid, and nails Bubba. Raven Effect, 1, 2, 3.

Time: 0:24

Raven doesn't even have time to celebrate before Justin Credible hits a Superkick and covers, 1, 2, 3.

Time: 0:10

I hate Justin Credible. Someone, take him out. Anyone…oh not you Crash. Missile dropkick, 1, 2, 3.

Time: 0:17

He celebrates…right into Bubba Ray Dudley. Crash tells Bubba to get the tables, so Bubba waffles him with the trashcan. Trish covers, 1, 2, 3.

Time: 0:22

Bubba grabs Trish by the hair…and gets sprayed by a fire extinguisher from Jazz. Trish sees if Bubba is okay, but in his blindness he puts her through a table. Steven Richards crawls over, and gets the pin. 1, 2, 3.

Time: 0:51

Richards takes off while Bubba gets some water for his eyes. After rubbing it in, he realizes what he's done (despite wanting to do that anyway). He utters a BAD word, then picks up Trish? Wha? I'm confused.

Raven loved the match - and Coach nails him for having the shortest reign that night. Raven retaliates with "your girlfriend told me YOU were the shortest".

STILL TO COME: The Big Show DOING STUFF!

Coach wants Raven's opinion on Goldust and Booker T's relationship. Raven doesn't think Booker T respects Goldust at all. On RAW, Booker went so far as to sneak away to a 7-Eleven.

Booker T's in a 7-Eleven. "Oh thank heaven, 7-Eleven. And the coast is clear finally. Yo dawg, you see a gold freak come in here? He's been stalkin' me all week, I can't get rid of him." "No, I think I'd remember him if I did." "Yeah, you would wouldn't you? Where's the Slurpees at dawg?" "Down at the end around the corner." "Yeah I've gotta get my good luck pre-ritual Slurpee on, yeah it's all good. Now what's this? Yo what's up kid, all the Booker T cups, yall looking for one? I'll hook yall up, now get out of here. Hardy, RVD, The Rock? Man, yall sold out of Booker T cups. Bust me up sucka. I was looking forward to this. RVD, looking real tough huh dawg? You ain't gonna be looking all tough when I be kicking yo punk ass. Ummm, damn that's good. Yo, you in line dawg?" "(Inhales)" "Oh no man, now I'm calling the police!" "Please, I'm sorry about this elaborate disguise, this is the only way I could get to talk to you. I followed you from your hotel." "FOLLOWED ME?" "Yes, yes, I'm also sorry for last week's mishaps, it will never happen again if only you and I would had remained a team. But now tonight, you're with Eddie Guerrero against RVD and Jeff Hardy. What gives?" "Hey man, you some kind of freak, you some kind of creep, and I don't like it man, I DON'T LIKE IT." "I'm not a creep. It's all about mind games Book. It's all about you and me being as a unit, being unstoppable, psychological, that's what makes us undefeated, and the best that there can be. Now let's talk things through, let's clear the air." "You might be right. You might be right, but let's talk about it later. I gotta go." "Okay one more thing, please wait. If you would just allow me to have a drink of your Slurpee, I'll give you a bite of my wiener." "MAN back 'em up, back the hell up, it's over, it's over between us." "Book, wait, come on now, mind games, mind games remember. Dammit."

ROB VAN DAM and JEFF HARDY vs. BOOKER T and EDDIE GUERRERO

Even this can't save the show at this point. Though it's a nice thought. Eddie and RVD start. Lockup, Eddie with a go-behind, reversed by Van Dam. Eddie grabs the arm and drags it, RVD reverses it, Eddie tries to reverse, but gets tripped and taken down. Eddie kicks out of a pin attempt and reverses. To their feet, side headlock is shoved off, Eddie into the ropes, and gets tossed by Van Dam. Right, whip, reverse - Eddie kicks a spin kick but takes a heel kick. Faceplant by Van Dam, and Eddie tags out. In comes Booker T to a pop! Lockup, Booker hammers Van Dam down. Chops and kicks in the corner takes RVD down. Whip is reversed, and Van Dam it's the shoulderblocks in the corner. Booker comes out of the corner with a Harlem Sidekick that levels Van Dam! Pickup by Booker - whip - RVD hits a spinning heel kick. Tag out to Jeff Hardy. Off the ropes - flying Jalapeno. Eddie gets in to do something about it - and Jeff drops his legs on Eddie groin. Booker tries to fight, but he gets hammer and whipped, though it's reversed, Eddie nails Hardy, and Booker takes him down. Toss out to the floor, and Eddie works him over. Headfirst into the steps he goes. Back in, Booker takes out Van Dam and goes to work on Hardy. Axekick hits, and he calls for the Spinaroonie. He does it - covers - 1, 2, Van Dam flies in to break it up. Booker's not impressed. Whip - Jeff ducks a clothesline and dropkicks Booker on the other side. Booker boots him in the midsection, whip - DDT by Hardy. Booker tags out to Eddie, and Jeff tags out to RVD. RVD attacks Eddie in the corner. Whip - into the corner, monkey flip! Whip - Guerrero avoids a backdrop, goes for a kick but his foot is caught, and RVD hits the step over heel kick. Booker comes in and gets hit with a rana. Rolling Thunder on Eddie, 1, 2, Booker T breaks it up. RVD is tossed to the floor by Booker T, who follows right behind. Jeff Hardy and Eddie remain in the ring. Whip - tiltawhirl slam from Hardy. Now Goldust is into the ring and he attacks Jeff Hardy. Well, not really an attack, he gets thrown over the top and onto Booker T. Hardy up in one corner - RVD in another. Swantonbomb, Five Star Frogsplash SIMULTANEOUSLY (RVD was a second behind Hardy) and a cover. 1, 2, 3!

Time: 5:42

Goldust can't believe his luck and apologizes to Booker T.

Raven hates to see accusations flying at Goldust, saying he's a sensitive man and deserves more respect.

Coach tells Raven that he's the best co-host he's ever had, though he misses Terri. I DON'T! Luckily for Coach, he got a chance to see Terri strut her stuff on RAW…

Jerry Lawler's in the ring, which can only mean a classy segment is on the way. Sure enough, it's time for the swimsuit competition. Terri heads to the ring first, still wearing the coat from before. Lawler prays to god she's wearing a thong. Now Molly makes her way out in a white terrycloth robe, carrying flippers. She looks AWESOME in that actually. "If you don't mind, and even if you do, I'm going first. Now King, don't get too excited, because when you see what I'm wearing, you won't believe your eyes." Molly puts on a bathing cap, and takes off her robe to reveal a 1930's style bathing suit. Terri follows suit, takes off her coat to reveal…she's a whore! "You are disgusting. How can you parade around like that? Have you no dignity?" "You're just jealous of what god gave me and what he didn't give you." I have a REAL hard time believing god gave her that. "I am in swimwear for a swimsuit competition. You're dressed like a, like a, excuse my language, but like a stripper. You might as well put a poll in the middle of the ring." "You know what, I think these people have a pretty good opinion. Why don't we let them decide?" The fans give Molly boos, and Terri plenty of cheers. *sigh* I hate fans. "You people don't deserve to see my virgin body in this state of undress." Molly covers up while Terri flaunts. Molly attacks Terri with a flipper, then threatens to nail Lawler. YOU GO GIRL!

STILL TO COME: That Lita update all the kids are talking about.

One of the highlights is going to be that handicap match, right Raven? No payback that night - Austin will be lucky to leave alive.

Two weeks ago, The Big Show was in India. He says it's filthy and run down. He asked for a hotel room with a view and they gave him a room with a big hole in the wall. It's far below his standards. These are people who would find a piece of meat in the street and eat it. Who's gonna watch the WWE, they have like 40 TV sets there. He hated it. It's a third world cesspool, a dump.

THAT RULED! Big Show truly is a god among men!

Raven can't wait to see Hulkamania come to an end at Judgement Day. It's OVER! He started in the red and yellow, and he's gonna end in it. Well, either way, Hulk Hogan's confident, so here's a package from RAW. Oh lord, not this again.

Limp Bizkit's in the house - but The Undertaker isn't. Hogan's on The Undertaker's motorcycle and rides it down the ramp to the ring. RAW ends, Raw Zone starts. Hogan heads into the ring…and milks that Hogan chant for everything he's got. Ear cupping, false starts on the mic, anything to keep 'em going. "You know something Maniacs? Last week, The Undertaker was flapping his gums and he said the more things change, the more they stay the same. Well Taker, how would you like to experience first hand how I've changed since the last time we met in the ring brother? Well Taker, we all know you don't care much about anything or anybody, but I know one thing that you sure do care about bro. (He heads out of the ring towards the bike.) Well you know something Maniacs, the way I see it, I've got something that belongs to The Undertaker. So the way I see it Taker, if you want this damn bike so bad, why don't you bring your badass out here and take it from me. I dare ya Taker." Here comes The Man. I hope he walks down that ramp, kills Hogan, and we never have to see him again. "Hogan, I know that you ride bikes, so that means I know you know better than this. You don't touch another man's motorcycle. I'm gonna shoot straight with you. I'm already planning on giving you the beating of a lifetime at Judgment Day. So, before you do something really stupid, I think there's something that you might like to know. I've sent people to the hospital for giving my motorcycle a funny look. So I'll tell ya what I'm gonna do. I know you're probably not in the right state of mind after last week, that I understand. But I'm gonna give you one, ONE opportunity to get your ass off my motorcycle, and if you don't, I will walk down that ramp and kick your teeth…" "Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. You know something Taker, are you actually gonna do something, or are you just gonna stand up there like the bitch that you are? Well obviously Taker, you don't want none down here, so how 'bout I bring the bike up there to you brother." Taker looks worried, and Hogan…can't start the bike. The crowd breaks out in laughter, as he tries to start it again…and again…and again. It's completely stalled on the ramp, and the crowd is losing it, and so am I. This is ridiculous. Hogan stops the bike MIDRAMP and starts to head up. The scene cuts to Ross and Lawler, and Lawler is trying to keep from breaking out laughing while JR talks about mind games or something. We hear Hogan STILL trying to start it in the background. This is pathetic. Finally Hogan gets it going and heads up the ramp to a round of applause.

You know, there are times I'm REALLY embarrassed to be a wrestling fan. This is right up there with the monster trucks from Havoc 1995.

Backstage goes Hogan, and he's riding around looking for Taker. He actually uses the signal light when he turns corners. Oh my god. Hogan finds himself in front of a large semi…and gets in. As it turns out, the keys are in the ignition - and before he runs it over WE TAKE A COMMERCIAL BREAK?

This segment needed a fucking cliffhanger.

When we return, Hogan runs over the bike.

I could cry.

Recently, Lita filmed the season finale for Dark Angel, and injured her neck in the process. Matt Hardy and Lita went down to the hospital, with her in a neck brace. Dr. Lloyd Youngblood said she hit her head during a rana. Anyway, here's some shots of the operation they're going to perform. I don't understand any of it - so I'll say they're FIXING BONES! Lita says it'll be a long road, and it's something she's nervous about.

It all went well.

Tomorrow night on Sunday Night Heat - Eddie Guerrero's in action. Also, RVD takes on Goldust. Then on RAW in Toronto, will we get an explination? RAW'S IN TORONTO? Anyone want to pay my way down there? And why isn't there a house show in Ottawa? Bah, that's it, we're out.