WHAT I DID THIS PAST WEEK: I managed to recap the rest of the Off The Record appearances I hadn't nailed yet, which were Jim Ross, Chris Jericho, and The Undertaker. I also took care of the WCW home video Hollywood Hogan: Why I Rule The World, and reviewed Backlash 2000. Now I KNOW you're DYING to read all of those - but only after finding out what happened on Exciting Excess. You'll find the link to my homepage at the bottom of this report right below my e-mail address. It's THAT easy!

It is Vince's pleasure to choose someone #1 overall. We don't find out though.

He is The Coach, she is Terri. The big question this week is WHO was going to go #1 overall? We'll get to that in a minute. But Terri wants to know why she wasn't chosen by Vince McMahon - or even picked at all in the top 10! She had to wait until a lottery following RAW where she logged on to WWF.com to get the results. Needless to say she's not impressed. But she came before Goldust. Sexual innuendos follow.

Coach reminds us that Lita was the only woman picked before the lottery. He feels that both guys executed their plans very well.

TONIGHT'S SPECIAL GUEST: Al Snow. He'll be around to talk about what it's like to be drafted by a lottery (story of his life I'm sure) and talk about Tough Enough 2.

Off to RAW we go. The show kicked off with an exciting Linda McMahon interview! She electrifies televisions all over the country by telling us Triple H, Steve Austin, Chris Jericho, Stephanie, and Jazz are NOT allowed to be drafted. Get a load of Hulk Hogan and big Ron chattin' it up. For some reason that absolutely cracks me up.

Terri's annoyed that she didn't have a free agent card in her contract - because she'd get so much more money if she was a free agent like Steve Austin.

One person Terri doesn't want to see on either show is Stephanie McMahon. Coach reminds us though that she could have been on both had she won the World Title. But the good thing is that Triple H pinned Stephanie. Terri sings na-na-na-na na-na-na-na hey-hey-hey goodbye while Coach cues up the clips.

There was a triple threat match for the World Title on RAW. Yup. You all know what happened - no one cares. Stephanie does the EXACT same "drag away" sequence with security that she did after Survivor Series. Which means she'll be back in 5 weeks.

That didn't break Coach's heart. Terri thought it was funny to watch Stephanie hanging on for dear life. Coach reminds us Stephanie brought it on herself. Not to mention she wasn't drafted - so she's toast.

So who was that #1 draft choice? Being such a big secret, we'll hold off until after a commercial.

STILL TO COME: Al Snow vs. Bob Holly for the Hardcore Title at St. Valetine's Day Massacre. OH COME ON! That card blew! This is the second match from that card they've pulled out on From The Vault. Argh. I don't remember if that particular match was any good so I'll keep an open mind.

Terri knows who she would have picked if she'd had the #1 draft choice. Did Vince make the right pick? Let's watch.

Vince picks The Rock. The Rock is the unhappiest #1 draft pick in history! He comes out to let Vince know he's an asshole for drafting him - and leads the crowd in a "You are…an asshole" chant.

So what did Vince get for picking Rocky #1? A less than flattering chant. Terri thought it was hysterical that they did that. Everyone more or less agreed with it except for Kurt Angle. Would Ric make Kurt his #1 pick? Well we'll find that out along with everyone who was drafted in the top 10 and beyond later on.

STACKER 2 BURN OF THE NIGHT: Brock Lesnar runs over Rikishi before a European Title match on RAW - dropping him with the inverted TKO.

Coach believes that Lesnar proved he was the strongest man in the WWF. Mark Henry's been forgotten already? He also believes Lesnar wanted to improve his draft position. So Vince tried to sneak in a pick - and drafted Lesnar out of turn. Ric didn't appreciate that, came out, and drafted Brock Lesnar.

Anyway, set to a new version of Beautiful People, here's a look at Vince's top 10.

1 - The Rock
2 - Kurt Angle
3 - Chris Benoit
4 - Hulk Hogan
5 - Billy and Chuck
6 - Edge
7 - Rikishi
8 - D-Von Dudley
9 - Mark Henry
10 - Maven

Coach feels the Smackdown! roster is completely loaded. I think everyone on the planet feels that way. Speaking of Billy and Chuck, apparently it means that Rico gets to come with them. Is Terri still Maven's #1 fan since he's on Smackdown! and she's not? Nope - she's lost interest.

Now set to a song by Union Underground, this is the RAW top 10.

1 - The Undertaker
2 - The n.W.o.
3 - Kane
4 - Rob Van Dam
5 - Booker T
6 - The Big Show
7 - Bubba Ray Dudley
8 - Brock Lesnar
9 - William Regal
10 - Lita

Lita? You'd waste a damn pick on Lita? Argh that aggravates me. Terri likes the new unit - and says that size does matter. They've got Taker, Kevin Nash, The Big Show, Kane, and the Vanilla Gorilla (I HATE THAT NICKNAME!). She's always been a huge Ric Flair fan. She believes they'll land Steve Austin. Coach feels whatever side he lands with - they'll have the decided advantage. Uhhhh, yeah.

Mint Skittles? That intrigues me in a gross kind of way. Tried 'em? Let me know what you think!

RAW's going to have new theme music and a new logo. You know - I lost a ton of interest in Monday Nitro when they changed to the Star Trek set. I hope to god they know what they're doing…

Here's a look at some band, but they're not wrestling so I can't say I care.

If people want to hear the new Union Underground theme, then tune into RAW. (Or go to WWF.com - that one's a freebie from me, not Excess.)

On Smackdown!, there was a chance for some stars to finish off some unfinished business. Terri didn't appreciate Kane fraternizing with The Rock and Hulk Hogan. Let's see what she was talking about.

Hulk Hogan is scared of Kane, for whatever reason. He wonders if they can trust that guy. Rocky says he's been in the ring with a lot of scary cats, but he's not King Kong Bundy. He's not Kamala. Rocky does impressions. He's one big red asskicking machine, and here he comes now. Rocky proves Kane's not afraid of anything, and fakes a flinch. Kane doesn't move. Kane asks if Rocky's ready to go out - and hits him with It Doesn't Matter If You're Ready! He then cuts a Hulk Hogan style promo. Sure, the promo was decent, but a Kane push is anything but a good thing. Skip ahead to the match between the n.W.o. and the aforementioned trio. Kane scores a pinfall win on X-Pac. Anyone find the sudden Kane push in the place of Steve Austin eerily similar to the sudden Sid push in place of Goldberg when the Radicals jumped ship? I'm not predicting the end of the WWF at all - I'm not insane - but this feels wrong, wrong, wrong.

Here's Hulk Hogan on Regis & Kelly Thursday morning. His dad passed away around Christmas and the one thing his dad wanted him to do was go back to the WWF. He said Vince called him and he jumped on it. He puts over The Rock, and thanks the fans for Wrestlemania X8. Regis reminds us of Hulk Hogan being on the show years ago by showing clips - and wants to do one more posedown with the Hulkster. They each flex their muscles, and Hogan attacks Regis by choking him. Cute fluff segment. Good stuff.

Ric Flair from his War Room announces in front of the world he wants the most dominant tag-team in tag-team history - and drafts Bubba Ray Dudley. Vince immediately picks D-Von because he's not stupid enough to watch a tag-team slip away. The brothers embrace and say their goodbye from the drafting room.

Coach calls that an emotional moment. Terri says it was a tough night for everyone. Here to talk more about it - Al Snow!

Coach wants Al to talk about the emotion in the room. The RAW roster flashes across the bottom of the screen. Al says it was tense with no one knowing where they were going. Your future was going to be decided by either Vince or Flair. He was shocked that Flair took the Undertaker and the n.W.o. With the amount of time Flair's been in the business though, he's sure Flair has a plan.

Over to Smackdown! Al feels they're loaded. The biggest thing about the brand extension is the fans are going to be rewarded by lots of new faces at the top. Coach and Al purr about Stacy and Torrie being on the same show.

Terri wants to see her hotties on the screen. Val Venis, and hey, what about Al Snow too? Why not?

Al thinks the competition between the brands is where the fans will benefit.

Back to Smackdown! the Acolytes close the door on their office and shut out the lights. They shake hands and leave in separate directions.

Terri says it reminds her of the last episode of cheers. She can't believe it's all over. Al says it's giving the guys a new chance to go in different directions and grow.

LUGZ BOOT OF THE WEEK: Tommy Dreamer helps Raven win the Hardcore Title from Maven.

Did it bother Al that Maven was picked ahead of him? He says a lot of people have asked him about that, or winning the Hardcore Title from him? No - when he trains someone he's training his replacement. All of these Tough Enough kids are going to be a form of his legacy and he's very proud of the fact that Maven has taken his advice. He's not going to have a legacy like Steve Austin, Taker, or Triple H - but at least he'll have a legacy by helping create some new stars. His win/loss record proves what kind of star he is. WOW! That took balls to say!

Here's a look at what went on during Tough Enough this week. The Dudleys showed up and wanted the kids to show what kind of personality they have. Nobody enjoyed Danny's character. Al lets everyone know there's going to be a cut the next day. Jessie's not feeling so good and checks the doctor to see what's going on. Alicia talks behind her back, and they bicker like school kids about it. The trainers talk about potential cuts. Why is everyone so down on vanilla ice cream? That happens to be one of my favorite flavours. Shame on all of you! Danny gets cut for having a shitty promo. Uhhh that doesn't sound right. I'm hoping he sucked in the ring too because if not, that is bullshit.

Terri thought the girls were going to be cut and not Danny. Terri wants to know who makes the final call on the cut? They all take in each other's input - but Big and Al make the final decision.

Coach missed Optimum Fitness this week due to the kids getting a couple days off. Al says that Rafael made them pay when they returned and was tougher than ever.

Al feels bad walking up and down the line when cutting kids. Terri says he can be very cruel about how long he takes making some of the cuts - but Al feels it's necessary.

Do they hang out with the kids outside of training? Al does accompany them to Optimum Fitness, but aside from that not really.

It's time for From The Vault. Let's check out this week's e-mail!

The inception of the Hardcore division a few years back was the greatest idea ever. My all time favorite Hardcore match was Al Snow versus Hardcore Holly from Saint Valentine's Day Massacre. Could you please play that match on From The Vault.
Brooke
Lima, OH

Heh, it figures someone from Lima would request this match…

Anyway, they clip the opening, so I'll go to my video collection and give you a proper recap.

AL SNOW vs. HARDCORE HOLLY (for the WWF Hardcore Title)

This a match for the vacated Hardcore Title. I believe Billy Gunn was the last champion and vacated it for whatever reason - but please don't quote me on that.

Al attacks Bob with some forearms. Bob is tossed over the top and to the floor. Al heads out to grab a chair and whacks Bob with it. A couple of chairshots to his chest - and Al tosses Bob into the front row. We get a classic "long camera shot" when the camera men can't keep up with the competitors. Michael Cole thinks this match could erase the memory of Sparky Plugg, as Bob slams Al back first onto some steps. He grabs a nearby fire extinguisher, and attempts to extinguish Al's heat. Bob then grabs a bottle and breaks it over Bob's head. Al turns and gets the fire extinguisher, going for Bob's heat. Backstage, Bob whips Al into some luggage. Back first he's sent into a trash can, but Al quickly recovers, putting a headlock on Bob, grabbing a payphone and asking him who he wants to call, before decking him with the phone. I'm amused. Through another door they do, and Al gets himself a Rubbermaid trashcan. Bob takes a couple of hard throws with it - but turns to bust floor tiles over Al's head. Hey, we used to use those things back in high school - they're a blast! The brawling continues towards the exit. Al breaks a half dozen brooms over the back of Bob which can't possibly feel good. Al makes the first cover, 1, 2, Bob kicks away. Bob gets sent headfirst into a WWF truck. Another throw, another head shot. Out to the parking lot they are! Bob rakes Al's head across the concrete wall, then throws him into a stop sign - causing it to collapse. Bob grabs the sign and beats on Al. Bob covers, 1, 2, Al kicks out. Al recovers. Michael Cole tries to sell what a blue collar guy Bob is. I believe it. Al is sent into some fence, and he breaks it. A roadblock is quickly taken apart by Al's body. Al asks Bob "what do you think of my girlfriend? Her name is Barbie Wire!" and proceeds to choke him out with the barbed wire from the top of the fence!! Bob gets a shot to Al's head to make him break it. Bob gets a huge stop sign, and drives it into Al. He finds a wheelbarrow, but Al finds some other stuff to beat Bob with. Al pulls Bob down towards the Mississippi River. Bob breaks a huge stick over Al's back. Bob finds something that Michael says "that's a…." and clobbers Al with it. Al chokes Bob on the ground, and shoves him into the river!!! Al charges and dives - but Bob sidesteps so Al goes headfirst. They brawl back out of the water. I can't even begin to imagine how cold they are. Al finds some rolled up fence, but can't do anything with it before Bob clocks him with a stick. Bob covers, 1, 2, Al kicks out. Bob throws Al back into the dirt, and gets the rolled up fence. Bob utters a dirty word when he can't unravel it. Al stands and gets in some kidney shots before Bob finds another stick to hit Al with. Al falls back on the chain link fence - Bob rolls him up, and covers. 1, 2, 3!

Time: 9:59
**

Al tells us the Mississippi river was cold AND deep. Bob was trying to drown him in there. He's not screwing around, Bob was not being a nice guy.

Since the Hardcore belt is over on RAW, he's not sure how he'll get HIS belt back (it's been his since Foley retired) but one way or another, he'll claim it.

They sign Al off - but Al swears he's not leaving.

We return and sure enough Al is still around. Terri has an idea about co-hosts. First, she tells Coach she's concerned about him but she'll be keeping her eye on him, so sit down. Al's personality isn't what they're looking for - so he's cut. Al's in tears, and in a fit takes the Excess table with him.

Terri wants to go back to the draft. It all starts this Monday night. One superstar who's new beginning started months ago was Mark Henry. Let's see how.

Mark Henry enters a World's Strongest Man contest! This is actually his first, so I'm guessing that title he used for years in the WWF was a phony. Jeff Madden, Mark's trainer says a lot of top guys are there. It turns out Arnold Shwatznegger (spelling?) called Vince McMahon and asked him to let Mark Henry compete. Mark needed some time to train, so Vince gave it to him. Before Mark goes at it, he listens to hardcore music, and thinks about things that are important to him. By that time he's ready to go. The first even is something called "Pile Of Wheels" which has only been lifted three times in its existence. He plans on being the fourth. Sure enough - he gets that baby up three times in a row which people believed was impossible. The next even was to push a 9000 pound hummer a certain distance. He got a bad start, but made up time. The final event is to lift an 820 pound square apparatus up hill. He manages to go far enough to claim the victory. Arnold congratulates Mark. Arnold tells Mark he's lucky that the cameras are allowed to stay - what with a larger man with him in the same screen. He doesn't usually like that.

Terri's not proud of Mark Henry - she's jealous because she wanted to hang out with Arnold. Coach says her beauty would have distracted the competitors - then bursts out laughing.

The first half of the week, the co-owners were trying to draft a top company. The second half - they were fighting physically in the ring. Here's a look.

On Smackdown! we get a decent little tag-team match. Ric Flair and Triple H square off against Vince McMahon and Kurt Angle. My Olympic Hero scores the pinfall on Flair with help from The Undertaker.

Terri isn't sure what to think. Flair's #1 pick is attacking him when they should be working together. She's not sure it'll work out.

Rob Van Dam makes commercials! More specifically, 7-Eleven. They've got brand new cups with The Rock, RVD, and Lita with the Hardy Boyz. On top of that, they have a new Slurpee called WWF Bruisin' Berry. In the first commercial, RVD helps a fan take the right cup - the RVD cup. He really wanted a Rock cup, but too bad! RVD says the commercial is humorous, because no one could possibly want a Rock cup when the RVD cup is around. The second commercial features a couple come into the 7-Eleven. RVD tells him which cup to take - and the girlfriend falls in love with RVD.

Terri says the new commercial will be on WWF TV this week.

Tomorrow night on Sunday Night Heat - Edge takes on Goldust. William Regal puts the European Title on the line against Tajiri. Then on RAW, Ric Flair takes the reigns by himself. Steve Austin is rumoured to be around. Then on Tuesday, the RAW superstars will be in Redding, PA. That's all the time we have this week. Terri's excited for RAW. And we're out!

Happy Easter!