It's a NEW era on LOP! And by NEW era, I mean it in the general WCW sense in that my arrival means jack to anyone but the idiot writing this stuff. In this case, ME!

For those of you who DON'T know me (which would make up about 99.7% of you) my name is Chris Fothergill-Brown. I've been recapping WWF Excess since the day it came on the air, so all sympathetic e-mails can be sent here.

Truth be told, this show HAS shown signs of something resembling something I might like to watch. Unfortunately it's never really clicked, and it seems with every passing week they're putting in less and less effort. This is of course discounting LAST week where Ivory was the special host with The Coach, and actually had something mildly intelligent to say - but we'll pretend that never happened. (If a show draws an 0.7, technically DID it happen?)

You're probably asking yourself "well if you dislike the show, WHY do you recap it?" Because SOMEONE out there has to, and it just so happens I have a high tolerance for pain. And that's why I'm on Lords Of Pain. High tolerance for pain - Lords Of Pain, get it? Aww, forget it.

What, you came here to read about THIS show?

Fine.

IF YA SMELL WHAT THE GIMP IS COOKING! The Rock returns!

It's another edition of WWF Excess. He's the Coach, and OH LOOK, TERRI'S BACK! Color me excited. She's been in Hawaii. While she was there, she got a LAY! Oh, see she was being hilarious, and what she meant was a lei. She presents one to Coach. Sexual plays on words make me interested in this show.

TONIGHT'S SPECIAL GUEST: Tazz. Again? This is the third time!

Terri thought that HHH returning the box of stuff to Stephanie was great. Especially when she rubbed the cream all over her body and wound up breaking out in hives. But she would get her revenge later on - oh yes! Let's go watch that.

On RAW, HHH and Kurt Angle were having a WHOMP ASS cage match. This baby was shaping up to be one of the best matches of the year. Naturally, rather than show that stuff, we'll join when Stephanie makes her way down to ringside, and slams the cage door on HHH's face (a spot not seen since the last time we did a cage match!). It's all downhill from here, as the wrestling is solid but the interference is LAME. Kurt Angle wins with help from you know who.

So Stephanie vs. HHH is gonna main event Backlash?

Coach says that Chris Jericho has the advantage going into Wrestlemania with Stephanie in his corner. Because his wrestling alone is far from enough!

STILL TO COME: Chris Jericho, Chris Benoit, and Kurt Angle from Wrestlemania 2000. Rock on!

It's a match for the ages! Hollywood Hogan, The Rock, Wrestlemania!

This Tuesday night, Wrestlemania's Greatest Hits!

Here's that Rocky video one more time, backed by POD.

Coach is dead silent when they come back - because they showed the Charleston clip one more time. Terri hopes she's accomplished as much as Rocky has by the time she's 29, and Coach cracks up. She calls him a legend of his own era, and a Michael Jordan of Sportz Entertainment.

2 nights ago on Smackdown! Rocky made his big return. He's more than a bit annoyed about the attack at the hands of the n.W.o. and states he'll never make the same mistake again. To quote Rocky, Hulk Hogan is a "jaded, self centred, bitter, son of a bitch!" Hogan made the biggest mistake of his life by not finishing off The Rock when he had the chance. So why doesn't he try to finish off The Rock tonight? If I can jump in, I BELIEVE unless your name is Roddy Piper, you're required to give Hogan 6 to 8 weeks to prepare for a match, so tonight is out of the question. Luckily, Scott Hall's a spur of the moment kind of a guy!

Speaking of Scott Hall, he's got Steve Austin waiting in the wings. And if you missed it - on RAW we're getting Steve Austin and The Rock taking on the trio known as the n.W.o.

Terri wants to talk about something serious. That's a first! She wants to know if Ric Flair is going to agree to face The Undertaker one on one.

Back to RAW, Dr. Tom Pritchard tried to save David Flair from a horrible beating, completely forgetting the fact that he was DR. TOM PRITCHARD, jobber for life! The Undertaker beat David Flair in the shower, and called out Ric. Why didn't somebody do this to David years ago?

On Smackdown!, Ric Flair cut a classic Nature Boy promo, and agreed to The Undertaker's challenge. The Undertaker's response? "I'm not really sure that I still want to fight you at Wrestlemania." Hahahaha! That was EXACTLY what I was hoping for!

Later on Smackdown! after The Undertaker defeated Mikey Maivia and Al Snow in a handicap match - he agreed to face Flair, but only if he comes down to the ring and begs for the match. Flair and Taker fight off into the crowd, and Flair accidentally belts a fan. The WWF uses the age old "7 day rule" in that if an angle is older than 7 days old, it's fair game to repeat it. In this case, Flair is arrested.

According to The Coach, Flair posted bail that night. However, we're not sure if he's going to face The Undertaker at Wrestlemania.

Tazz joins the studio! Tazz wants to know why HE'S the co-host, when Heat is HIS show. MTV stands for More Tazz Victims. He wants plugs. Cypress Hill does his music, and Coach is wearing his new shirt. (He's a plug for ya Tazz. Go to http://www.wwfshopzone.com to get the shirt. Also expect a 6 to 8 month wait in terms of delivery. My Christmas present two years ago was delivered in June.)

Tough Enough 2 is underway. Tazz thought he was gonna slug one of the guys on the show. We'll go watch the highlights.

Somebody was missing right off the bat. John "Big" Gaburick (AKA Vader's twin brother) announces Shad couldn't pass the physical. The thirteenth cast member is Danny. Pete thinks the gang mesh together really well. Ivory starts telling off one of the girls - saying she's not allowed to smile. The girl takes off to the bathroom saying her smiling doesn't mean she wants to have sex with the guys - she's just a happy person and doesn't understand why she can't do that. Their first physical challenge was an obstacle course on the beach. Aaron passed out and was taken to hospital.

Tazz says it's not uncommon to have one of the guys end up in an ambulance while training.

Terri COMPLETELY blows this off by asking if there's any hot guys on the show. Tazz says there's a guy with a goofy haircut named Jake. Jake calls himself chiselled, which turns Terri off. He's 6'4", who's just a shade taller than Tazz.

That 3 way dance from Wrestlemania 2000 is on it's way, really!

Coach was informed during the break that Excess is now Tazz's show.

Terri wants to guess what happens on Wednesday. WWF Divas: Sex On The Beach is airing at 9:00pm on UPN. Can I make a plea to everyone out there? DON'T watch the show - because apparently UPN is going to be watching the ratings closely to decide whether or not to make this a series. Naturally I'll be watching because I'm a geek - but that doesn't mean YOU have to.

Tazz: "What a shock, divas half naked. There's a lot of hot divas out there in the WWF. Stacy, Torrie, Jackie, you, you're a diva right? There's a lot. Michael Cole!" Hah! Terri wants to know his favorite. "Mae Young. I like the wrinkly cellulite deal going on. Slap it around, like that!"

On RAW, Trish and Jazz had their 94th rematch for the WWF Women's Title. Trish lots her shirt, and went nuts, apparently forgetting she likes to be half naked in front of the camera. Trish's breast damn near popped out - which immediately caused me to want to order the pay-per-view.

Tazz calls Trish the ultimate hot tomato. She showed some GUTS by taking it to Jazz. Terri says she really did show what she was made of.

Tazz starts wandering about the Excess studio - and wants the 36 inch flat TV for his den. Strangely enough the TV is as long as Tazz is tall. BURN!

Lonely Road Of Faith is interrupted again by the n.W.o.

Tazz is now their newest co-host. He's downing coffee - and says guzzling it is good for the osophaglus. (The spelling is intentional)

Tazz's reaction to the n.W.o. destroying the video is "Tazz's reaction is destruction is part of the n.W.o. Terri. It is like being in Red Hook. If you can't hang, get out." (He was reading from a piece of paper)

On RAW, Steve Austin had a match with Booker T. Once again, a killer match was interrupted, this time by the n.W.o. Scott Hall and the boys leave Austin lying with help from a wrench. He refused medical attention, which REALLY reminded me of his neck being broken for some reason. Backstage, the n.W.o. were drinking Austin's beer which I have a REAL problem with.

GET READY FOR A RANT!

Scott Hall has an illness. It's called alcoholism. He's a drunk. In order to keep from drinking, he's taking antabuse, a pill which causes him to vomit when in the present of alcohol. The WWF's response is to immediately book Scott Hall around tons of beer - which has caused him to be sick backstage. The WWF is apparently troubled by this, and want him off the antabuse. By taking him off the antabuse, they're suggesting that an alcoholic who has limited control over whether or not he has a drink goes at it cold turkey. Thus setting Scott Hall up to fail once again, sending him back into the tailspin that is known as the destruction of his life. It's sickening that they're going out of their way to see him fail. Either back your investment by allowing him to combat what ails him, or fire him because as far as I'm concerned doing what you're doing with him is not going to bring back the money you've invested into bringing him into the federation in the first place.

WHEW! Where was I?

Oh yeah, the n.W.o. decided to beat the hell out of everyone backstage. Spike Dudley was sent out to face Scott Hall in a match later that evening - which lead to a quick pinfall after an Outsiders Edge. Is there any doubt who's going to win the Steve Austin / Scott Hall match at Wrestlemania?

This Monday night, called the biggest main event of all time by The Coach, and he wouldn't lie - the n.W.o. take on Austin and Rocky.

Tazz wants the camera to zoom in on a giant zit on his forehead. Ewww, that IS big!

LUGZ BOOT OF THE WEEK: Stephanie costs HHH his match against Kurt Angle.

Tazz knows Stephanie very well - and says you don't want to be on her bad side.

On Smackdown! Chris Jericho was sporting HHH's very first robe. Or at least that's what we're TOLD we're going to watch - we join Chris Jericho vs. Kane in progress. Jericho can't even win THAT one cleanly, which is really making me think he can beat HHH at Wrestlemania, yes siree! Kurt Angle interfered because he has some sort of issue with Kane, albeit not one that I'm overly concerned about. Jericho starts to put on the robe - but HHH runs in from the crowd, beating the piss out of him. Stephanie tries to make a break for it, but gets caught and ALMOST Pedigreed before Jericho makes the save. Is there any question that she'll take on at Wrestlemania?

Later that night, HHH returns half her WHOOPS my finger slipped onto the fast forward button.

On a scale from 1 - 10 on how annoying Stephanie is, Terri gives her a 20. Tazz says a car in half is a normal day in the Hook. As a kid he had a spare tire, an X-jack, and a crowbar for toys.

At Wrestlemania, Jericho battles Stephanie for spotlight.

The Big Show helps others burn fat!

The WWF returns to the Weakest Link! This time around, Jerry Lawler, Steve Austin, Debra, Terri, Bubba, D-Von, Edge, and Kane are on the show. Anne Robinson says there was huge ratings the first time around, especially in the UK. Everyone fingers D-Von as the weakest link from the get go. Austin didn't consider voting off Debra because he's not stupid. Bubba follows that up by saying while Austin couldn't vote of his wife, he can't vote off his. Hah! Bubba says she rattles off the questions so fast you've gotta be quick. Gotta take a quote from Kane: "If I have any problems, or if I can't think of an answer, I'm just gonna say Equador". Terri says if Anne insults her too hard - the She Devil will take her down. Bubba says she's a woman like everyone else they've put through tables.

Terri can't wait until it airs. Sunday night, 10:00pm EST, 9:00 Central. She won't reveal the winner to Tazz, who wants to bet on the show. He then makes fun of Booker T for saying Thanksgiving's in October when we all know it's in December.

Speaking of Booker T - he didn't get the shampoo commercial. This translated to issues with Tajiri. We'll skip ahead to the end of that match, which Booker wins with an axekick. Spinaroonie - and Tajiri takes a Harlem sidekick! Edge for some reason feels compelled to run in and attack with a spear.

And I thought booking a match over spilled coffee was as low as they could sink. SHAMPOO? Talk about an easy set up for hair vs. hair. You know what? I bet they don't even think about it!

Tazz tries to pop his zit on Terri. They send him packing.

This coming week on Tough Enough 2 - Al Snow sends someone home!

Tazz is still around when we come back from commercial. He's making a paper airplane. Terri can't wait until Austin gets payback on Scott Hall. Not to mention Hogan vs. Rocky. Well, one half of both these matches collided on Smackdown!

It's Rocky vs. Scott Hall. And wait for it…it's a NON DECISIVE FINISH! Wheeee! I could sit through these on EVERY SHOW! If you can't think of a finish, don't book the match. The n.W.o. beating and subsequent Austin save leads to the big match for RAW Monday night.

Again, Coach and Terri try to get rid of Tazz. We'll see if he's really gone this time.

WRESTLEMANIA MOMENT: Bam Bam Bigelow vs. Lawrence Taylor from Wrestlemania 11.

Tazz wanders back onto the set to get his coffee.

How can we forget any of the biggest moments from Wrestlemania? Well, incase we HAVE Wrestlemania's Greatest Hits airs on Tuesday. Tazz continues to wander about the studio. He's not sure which way is out.

It's time for the From The Vault segment. This week's letter says:

I am a big Chris Benoit fan and I would love to see the triple threat match from Wrestlemania 16. It was Benoit, Jericho, and Kurt Angle in a two fall match with the Intercontinental and European Championships on the line.
Darryl Aube
Louisville, KY

Before the match airs, Tazz returns with an action figure of Goldust for Terri. Hahaha!

You know what? To hell with this clipped version - I'm whipping out my copy of Wrestlemania 2000 to get you a real recap of this match.

CHRIS JERICHO vs. CHRIS BENOIT vs. KURT ANGLE (for the WWF European and Intercontinental Titles)

"Welcome to Wrestlemania is Jericho! And Y2J has been waiting his whole life for this moment. And I know all you Jerichoholics have been waiting your whole lives for this moment. And I can't guarantee you I'm gonna walk out of here with 2 champions, and I can't guarantee you I'm gonna walk out of this match with 1 champion, but I can guarantee you I'm gonna walk out of this match as the true Ayatollah of Rock and Rollah. And I can guarantee that Kurk Angel and Mr. Roboto are gonna walk out of this match with bumps and bruises and a t-shirt that reads "I visited Anaheim and all I got was this lousy t-shirt and a Y2J beating that I will NEVER EVER forget AGAIN-UH!""

Benoit slips outside the ring and attacks before the bell from behind. In the ring Jericho runs over Benoit with a closeline and chops at Kurt. Benoit set in the corner, but Kurt saves. Whip, reverse, and Kurt is met with a back elbow. Benoit gets Jericho in the corner and chops. Whip across the ring, belly to back has Jericho land on his feet, and Benoit is dropkicked out of the ring. Angle is sent into the ropes and met with a dropkick. On the apron for Kurt - and Jericho goes for the springboard dropkick, but Benoit trips him up. Benoit and Kurt get to fighting on the apron, so Jericho hits the springboard dropkick this time on the two of them. Baseball slide dropkick to the back of Benoit, but Jericho is promptly dropped face first into the steps by Kurt. Belly to belly suplex on Jericho back in the ring, but Benoit saves. Whip off the ropes - and Kurt with met with a forearm. 1, 2, Jericho saves. Jericho chops Benoit. Benoit fires back with chops of his own. Jericho goes over to Kurt, and connects with a double arm shoulderblock. He heads up top - but Benoit sends Jericho off the top and into the announce table. He covers Kurt, 1, 2, he's out. Belly to back suplex on Kurt, cover, 1, 2, Kurt kicks out again. Benoit continues to work over Kurt, but Jericho's back in and stops that with a dropkick to Benoit. Jericho up top - and a missile dropkick to Kurt, cover, 1, 2, Benoit saves. Benoit gets a backbreaker on Jericho, 1, 2, Kurt saves. Kurt with a vertical suplex, 1, 2, Benoit's out. Kurt heads back to Jericho and they fight it out. Whip - boot to Kurt's midsection - bulldog! 1, 2, Kurt kicks out. Benoit goes back to Jericho, and starts the chopping again. Kurt breaks that up and hits a belly to back on Benoit. 1, 2, Jericho leaps from the second rope and stops that. Jericho gets a camel clutch on Benoit midring - but Kurt's in so Jericho has to stop and clothesline him. Jericho hits a long vertical suplex, and Benoit tries to steal the cover, 1, 2, Jericho breaks it up. Jericho kicks away at Benoit. Kurt fires back with rights. Kurt gets a double arm German suplex on Jericho and covers. 1, 2, nope! Kurt fights with Benoit, but while he's down, Jericho gets a monkey flip on Benoit and covers. 1, 2, Kurt breaks it up. Angle's whipped into the ropes, and caught by Jericho who can't hit the Tiger suplex, and Kurt reverses it into a double chickenwing! Benoit scoots back into the ring and hits a baseball slide dropkick to Kurt's face. Benoit dumps Kurt into the front row, and heads to the top. Air Canada connects - and a cover. 1, 2, 3! We have an Intercontinental Champ!

Time: 7:54

Benoit goes immediately for another cover, 1, 2, and Kurt breaks that up. Kurt hits a vertical suplex, 1, 2, Benoit gets a shoulder up. Scoop slam, and Kurt says it's over. He heads up top - but Jericho's there to cut him off. Jericho heads up, and Benoit cuts HIM off! All three are up top! Benoit connects with the superplex! Kurt gets to his feet - tries the moonsault, but misses everyone! Tim White starts a 10 count, and gets to 8 before Kurt covers Benoit. 1, 2, he kicks out. Jericho covers Kurt. 1, 2, he's up. Jericho gets up, and puts the Walls Of Jericho on Kurt! Benoit is up though - and clotheslines the hell out of Jericho. Whip off the ropes - and a knee to Jericho's midsection. Kurt's back with rights to Benoit. Scoop slam. He heads over to Jericho. Whip - Benoit charges, misses, Kurt is clotheslined by Jericho - then Benoit is hit with a spinning heel kick and he heads out. Jericho with a powerbomb on Kurt - and you'd better make that 2! 1, 2, Jericho gets up to stop the oncoming Benoit. Benoit grabs him though, and hits a German suplex. Make it two! A third with a bridge! 1, 2, Kurt clips Benoit at the knees! Benoit hits a German suplex on Kurt. 1, 2, Kurt kicks out. Benoit chops Jericho and whips him into the ropes. Jericho dives at Benoit who ducks, and he nails Tim White! Benoit gets a Crippler Crossface on Jericho, but Tim White's not there to see it as Jericho taps. Benoit goes to wake up Tim White - and turns to get stuck in a Walls Of Jericho! Kurt meanwhile has grabbed one of his belts, and decks Jericho upside the head with it. He goes for the cover, while Benoit heads to the floor. Benoit pulls Jericho out to the floor - and comes back in. Angle and Benoit trade punches, before Benoit yanks out a belly to back! Benoit up top - and Air Canada misses this time around! Jericho's right there with a Lionsault! 1, 2, 3!!

Time: 13:47
****1/4

AWESOME match that needed another 10 minutes!

If you want to make a request, the e-mail is WWFExcess@WWF.com

NEXT SUNDAY: Chris Benoit is in the house! This'll be his second appearance on the show.

Booker T engages himself in an exciting photo shoot. He lifts weights and poses for KING magazine.

Tazz is still walking about, now on his cell phone.

Tomorrow night on Sunday Night Heat, DDP takes on Lance Storm for the European Title. Hey, I should watch that! But I bet I won't. Then on RAW, the n.W.o. takes on The Rock and Steve Austin. We're 8 days out from Wrestlemania. 67,000 people strong! And a quick reminder, they're in Fort Wayne tomorrow afternoon. Get your tickets!

Coming up next, Robot Wars on the NEW TNN!