Well, I was contacted by another website wanting me to do my Excess reports for them. WHY, I'm not sure - because I'm never on time, but we'll see how it goes. So this is it for Excess from me on Slash - but I'm not going anywhere I swear. I'm just a whore who wants to reach a larger audience. Anything else I do, be it tape reviews, Bits and Bites, WHATEVER is staying right here. I've contacted Cubs Fan to do Excess - and if he accepts, god bless him!

Big thank you to CRZ for even giving me the chance to do this. I haven't talked much with him outside of sending him articles, but just the fact he's posted them speaks volumes. You rock Zim!

Hulk Hogan WAS a Real American. We'll talk more about that later on.

Good gawd almighty, that isn't Terri! We've got ourselves an energetic little brunette standing in. He is The Coach, she's Ivory! The show just got 99.4% better.

Tonight's show has a Tough Enough theme, because…

COMING UP: Nidia - who never shuts up says Ivory.

We're two weeks away from Wrestlemania. Ivory wants to know why the sunglasses NEVER come off, and Coach delivers one of his smartest lines to date, suggesting that he doesn't want to look directly at the people since he blames them for turning on him. Wow! Smarter co-host = smarter Coach? Let's go watch clips.

The n.W.o. apologize for their actions against The Rock and the WWF. Steve Austin doesn't take kindly to that - and ties up Scott Hall. Scott Hall gets spray painted with 3:16.

Ivory likes his flair for graffiti. She's been known to draw on opponents. Coach wants to talk more about her being naughty in the ring later - and Ivory pretends to deck him! Oooh, don't hold back girl. THAT would have been sweet.

On RAW - Austin was slated to take on Mr. Perfect. Ivory doesn't believe a word that comes out of Mr. Perfect's mouth, thinking he's scared to death. Either way - here's the match.

I really wanted to like this match. Honestly. But it just felt SO paint by numbers. When Austin isn't feeling it, you know something's up. Clean finish - and Mr. Perfect's perfect (losing) streak continues. Scott Hall comes lumbering down to ringside with a bunch of cement blocks. Much to my chagrin, Austin's able to fight off Scott Hall - until the other two show up. Austin gets tossed back into the ring - and a cement block is smashed over his knee.

This coming Monday night - ONE of the n.W.o. members is going to be in action, but we don't know whom or who their facing. Interesting.

STILL TO COME: The Undertaker takes on Kevin Nash at Wrestlemania 12. Hey, they read my mind!

Hulk Hogan…The Rock…Wrestlemania - March 17th!

Scott Hall…Steve Austin…WWF RAW! Errr, I don't think THAT's right.

The Big Show picks up racing cars.

One year ago, Maven was teaching 6th grade. Tough Enough came around, and now he's sitting in the World Wrestling Federation. His first WWF victory came against Tazz, in his third match. His first win was the biggest shock of his life - and it was a great experience coupled with a great feeling. Along rolled the Royal Rumble. The moment he walked out with The Undertaker standing there, he felt something special in the air. He just caught Taker off guard, and he understands why Taker might be a little upset. He figured it was over after that - but it wasn't. He faced The Undertaker for the Hardcore Title, and some how, some way, with help from The Rock he got the win. His whole quick ride in the past year has been a dream come true. Ladies and gentlemen - I present Rocky Maivia 2K2.

Ivory recognized Maven as having the whole package the moment she saw him. Yet he STILL hasn't invited her out for a cocktail. (IDIOT!) He's been getting heat backstage (Ivory: That's because they don't like anyone who's successful). Let's go watch his first Hardcore Title defense.

Maven turns a fire extinguisher on Goldust - and rolls him up for a quick 1, 2, 3. Ladies and gentlemen - I present Mikey Whipwreck 2K2. Rocky Whipwreck? Mikey Maivia? Anyway, The Undertaker rolls down and kicks Maven's ass again. Al Snow's seen enough and calls out Undertaker for a match. We clip ahead to Goldust backstage asking the trainer if Maven was okay…and promptly attacks and pins Maven. Goldust is the man.

Ivory wants to know when the 24/7 rule came back. Coach says it's always been there, but people forget. She almost became a hardcore champ a few years ago with Crash Holly. She was giving him a massage, rolled him over, and almost got a pinfall. She likes gold!

Coach is wondering what AL Snow was thinking on Smackdown! Well - according to Ivory one of the kids on Tough Enough 2 calls Al Snow dad. And he sees them as his kids. She's heard stories of mothers who can lift a car when their babies are trapped underneath, so Al can definitely take on The Undertaker.

1-800-CALL-ATT rewind - Undertaker demands a match with Ric Flair, and Flair turns him down.

Ivory feels ever since The Undertaker has cut his hair has changed. He looks great - but is a real jerk. We'll see what she's talking about.

Following the Women's Title match - Undertaker for some reason came down to ringside…and blindsided Arn Anderson! Anderson, ever the company man, took a man sized beating, complete with first class blade job. "Anderson getting beaten like a government mule!" SHUT UP! What the HELL is a government mule anyway? Whatever it is - I'm formally starting a protest to keep it from getting beaten any further.

Fast forward to Smackdown! Here's that "match" all the kids were talking about, as Undertaker and Al Snow go head to head. Snow puts up the best fight he can, but it's no use. Ric Flair heads down, grabs the lead pipe from Taker's bike, and beats the hell out of Taker. "When it comes to Wrestlemania, the answer is still no." However he assures Taker that if he ever touches a friend of his again, he's gonna find out why he's the dirtiest player in the game.

Take a look into the lives of your favorite WWF superstars - with Before They Were Stars, this month on PPV.

Coach wants Ivory's thoughts on HHH and Stephanie. Ivory says her talking about HHH's size is nothing that they don't talk about in the locker room. Ivory says the women have dirt on Coach too! Let's go look.

HHH tells Stephanie she has a loose "midsection". Jericho gets…insulted? Err…

Coach calls Kane and HHH taking on Kurt Angle and Chris Jericho a logical tag-team match. Well, at least HE sees the logic, because damned if I can find what it is. Stephanie makes faces. I fast forward.

Ivory doesn't care if you're thinking about divorce, you DON'T try to Pedigree your wife. Coach says he would if he was HHH, but Ivory still thinks it's wrong.

Ivory says she's figured out why it's so cold. Because Terri has a nice set of (Coach: "Areoles?") *sigh*

Here's the Hulk Hogan video that was aired on Smackdown! going over his career. If you missed this one, you missed another top notch effort by the WWF production team, who have gone above and beyond the call of duty lately.

Ivory remembers Hulk selling vitamins back in the day. She was doing all girl wrestling way back when - and meeting Hulk Hogan. She was SO excited meeting him at the time. Ivory's done a stand in for The Rock, and she's had a fan cry on her shoulder because Rocky couldn't show. So who's bigger? The Rock or Hulk Hogan? We'll find out at Wrestlemania!

Welcome to the show, Tough Enough champion, Nidia. Hugs all around.

Nidia's afraid of Jazz - and Coach won't bad mouth her either.

About Tough Enough, they have big plans set up for everyone. Nidia can't believe she's a superstar, saying just a year ago she was waiting tables.

Here's the casting special of Tough Enough 2. We look at a bunch of stupid videos. Bob Holly wants to see someone with an athletic ability. Some guy named Robert is a guy I'd never want to mess with. He's a BEAST! Some guy jumps in the pool, and Bob Holly manages a laugh! Jim Ross looks on. Yeah, you do that Jim! The top 25 finalists are chosen. They have to do a physical challenge to see how they do. Tazz comes around and starts bad mouthing everyone, while they have to do a 3 mile run. With a half mile to go, they have to put on a knapsack with 15% of their body weight. 13 people are chosen - including the beast man! I don't watch the show, but there's my pick.

Nidia remembers the day she got picked, and she felt like that was it. She had no idea that was just the start of what was to come. Ivory says it's weird having the cameras on you the whole time. She remembers talking dirty on the phone, forgetting it was on mic. It's hard to used to it says Nidia, maybe the hardest part.

Ivory thinks there's a lot of fakers this season, but they'll be weeded out. It's hard to do early mornings and that kind of stuff.

Nidia signs off. She didn't SAY much of anything!

On RAW, they had a three way dance to be the #1 contender to the Intercontinental Title with Lance Storm, The Big Show, and Rob Van Dam. We'll go watch.

WHY do they keep holding down the most talented man of the bunch here? I'm tired of the abuse he's suffering. Rob Van Dam's great and all, but Christ, he's no The Big Show! Regal has a great line: "I don't need to be in the ring with a bloody giant! I don't want to face this bloody barbarian!" Van Dam gets the win and Regal shakes his head.

Lugz Boot Of The Week - William Regal gets squashed by The Big Show. SECOND BEST TV MATCH OF THE YEAR! The best is still Undertaker vs. Show from Smackdown! in January.

Booker T's been overconfident about the shampoo commercial. Ivory doesn't even think he washes his hair. Let's go watch.

Booker T writes a hilarious commercial. Tajiri is offended. He says Booker T's hair looks like Buckwheat on crack. Only a segment this hilarious could lead to a match at Wrestlemania. How? Well, Edge gets the job as spokesman. Booker T is NOT happy.

6 WWF wrestlers went out to compete on Fear Factor. The Hardy Boyz, Test, Lita, Mighty Molly, and Jacqueline were the competitors. The first stunt was flying about on a helicopter ladder - and having to climb up. Jeff Hardy was the only one to fall off into the water, and he says it was FREEZING cold! Lita was eliminated for being too slow. So we move ahead to day two. It was a drinking contest, where you have to drink pigs brains mixed with three things you roll on a dice. Molly almost puked, and wound up crying. Goodbye! Jackie downed hers with ease. Test took one sip, and walked off the set. Matt drank his as fast as he could, ala Steve Austin (all over the place) and moved on. The final stunt was walking across a set of logs up in the air while it rained, and moving flags across. Jackie couldn't do it, because her legs are far too short. So Matt walked off the Fear Factor champ.

WRESTLEMANIA FLASHBACK: Wrestlemania X - Scott Hall defeats Shawn Michaels in a ladder match for the IC Title.

I'd love for you to play the Undertaker versus Big Daddy Cool match from Wrestlemania 12. The Undertaker has flat out dominated Wrestlemania like no other and when Ric Flair decides to take off his skirt, The Nature Boy will be made famous by the Deadman.
Nathan Brubaker
Austin, TX

DIESEL vs. THE UNDERTAKER

Kevin Nash was just months away from jumping to WCW, so you can guess the result of this one. It was setup after Diesel ruined Undertaker's title shot at the Royal Rumble, and then Taker ruined Diesel's at In Your House VI. This match rocks my world - though it may not rock yours, depending on what you like in a wrestling match, so I can't in good conscience recommend it to everyone. In an AWESOME visual, Nash hits not one, but two powerbombs on the dead man! Taker recovers and hits the tombstone for the pinfall.

We still have two weeks until Wrestlemania - so send in your picks.

Debra does an exciting photo shoot! She's having fun, and trying on lots of clothes. The photographer wanted Debra to flip him the bird, and she refused to do it. She thinks it'll be interesting when all put together.

Ivory accuses Coach of staring. He denies it - and she says he's just saying that because he doesn't want Austin to kick his ass!

Tomorrow night, Edge takes on Mr. Perfect. Also, Lance Storm vs. RVD. Then Monday is RAW. One member of the n.W.o. is gonna be in action.

Ivory wants to come back another time. We'll see a lot of Ivory on MTV - but she has to go. Goodnight!