I'm back. Lucky you.

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Welcome to WWF Excess. Hey, it's Michael Cole and Trish Stratus. The Coach is MISSING IN ACTION! He's broadcasting the Tough Enough casting debut special. This Excess is already the Best Ever!

Let's go back to RAW and watch Vince McMahon tell the Alliance that Steve Austin is jumping back to the WWF. Steve Austin comes out and stuns him. The Alliance glares at Austin, except DDP who probably sees this as a good thing.

On Smackdown! Steve Austin asks a bunch of Alliance members if they trust him. Everyone except Tazz claims that they do. Tazz takes a Stunner for his efforts and the Alliance walks off - with the exception of William Regal.

Michael Cole wonders if there really IS a defector, or is Mr. McMahon playing mind games? Well, we have two hours to answer that, so if you have questions about that, or for special guest Christian, then you can e-mail Excess at WWFExcess@WWF.com.

Christian is backstage reading a European soccer magazine. He can't believe he has to host Crapcess. Some Lady brings him coffee. He demands to be called Christian, Champion Of Europe at all times. His coffee also isn't Irish, which happens to be a European country so it has to go back.

Commercial break.

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What about that Big Show? If you mess with Tajiri, you mess with The Big Show. Because of this, William Regal challenged The Big Show on Smackdown! Let's take a look at that.

Regal calls Big Show out to the ring. Shawn Stasiak, Billy Kidman, Hugh Morrus, Raven, Justin Credible, Chavo Guerrero Jr., and Mike Awesome all charge the ring and they all get the crap kicked out of them. Regal makes a whole lot of faces.

Following this display, Vince McMahon adds the Show to the main event of the Survivor Series.

Still to come tonight, Kane vs. The Undertaker in the first ever Inferno Match. Oh boy.

Commercial break.

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Chris Jericho and The Rock don't get along, and if they don't start getting along, the WWF could lose that big match at the Survivor Series. On RAW, they had a match for the WCW World Heavyweight Title. Here's a look at that match.

Jericho beats on Rocky for about 15 minutes, and Rocky pins Jericho with a small package out of nowhere to reclaim the title. Post match Jericho lays Rocky out and walks off. JR calls it one of the most bizarre and shocking nights in WWF history. JR says a lot of things, so try to ignore him.

The Alliance will take advantage of this personal animosity on Smackdown! which we'll take a look at later on.

Christian is now reading about Germany. That Woman brings him Irish coffee. He tells her Dankee. She tells him it's pronounced Danke. He tells her he can speak Europe. He has a special request of her, and whispers it so we can't hear. Dankee!

You know, ever since they started airing more clips and having less focus on guests and phone calls, I've noticed how much easier these recaps have been. That's a good thing for me, a bad thing for people who actually want to watch this show.

Commercial break.

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Recently Kurt Angle was on Unscripted with Chris Connelly. Kurt agrees to show some moves to Connelly. He starts off with the hammerlock, and moves into a pinning predicament. This is all pretty pointless.

Michael Cole segues nicely from that to the Weakest Link. I'm not kidding. Cole's really underrated. Trish is going to take us behind the scenes of the Weakest Link.

We get entrance videos for HHH, The Big Show, Lita, Stephanie McMahon, William Regal, Trish Stratus, Booker T, and Kurt Angle in that order. Anne says she hasn't seen the size of their brains yet. Some Guy With Long Hair goes over the rules before the show starts. Trish believes she's going to do well. The Big Show says it depends on the questions but he thinks he'll do well. Kurt says you never know, the best could be voted off first because he's a threat. Booker T wants to prove they know more than just wrestling moves. Big Show wanted to buy off everyone backstage. Stephanie says dirty tricks exist everywhere, and game show won't prevent that. Regal agrees that backstabbing will go on. Kurt thinks Anne Robinson is evil. Big Show says she reminds him of the meanest school teacher he's ever had and it scares him. Regal believes her to be a very pleasant person, and wonders if she's a good cook. Stephanie promises if she insults her she'll slap Anne across the face.

Trish won't tell Michael what happened. We'll have to check it out on Monday.

A bunch of people are in Christian's locker room. They all sing "Christian! Christian! At last you're on your own! And the champion of Europe!" Now he gets to be the special guest on Crapcess.

Check out the Hardy Boyz on the WWF Superstar Series, if only to see them wearing New World Order stuff.

Commercial break.

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My Sacrifice by Creed. Buy the album so they STOP playing this song.

Michael Cole says it's all about putting their bodies on the line night in and night out and can't figure out how they do it. Trish says they do it because they love it and won't trade it for anything. Cole welcomes a guy who does put it on the line every night, Christian!

Christian has a special treat for Michael. It's a big goofy hat from England. It's pretty funny looking.

Christian WAS in Manchester this past week and participated in the WWF PPV Rebellion. Here's a look at that. Just a bunch of highlights.

Christian says it felt unbelievable to be with his EuroPeeps.

Gary from Omaha writes:

Christian,
You once referred to yourself as the greatest European Champion that there ever was! How do you figure when you KNOW Kurt Angle once held that same title!

Christian says he's an unbelievable performer, however Kurt never embraced the culture like Christian has. Christian went out and learned how to speak Europe. Trish asks Christian to tell her she's pretty in Europe. He just wants to get to the next mail.

Trish wants to know if he's abandoned Canada? He says it's part of the Commonwealth, so of course he hasn't!

Cole wonders if he believes he'll wind up flipping burgers in Canada if they lose? Christian says it's all under control, and there's nothing to worry about. Michael will flip burgers.

Back to the e-mail!

Yo Christian,
Dude… you have to lose the glasses! Are you trying to look like an insect? Or what?
Robert Cypher
Plattsburgh, New York

He's a trend setter. Whatever's in is what Christian's doing.

Cole wants to talk about Christian and Edge. All Christian ever heard was Edge, Edge, Edge… Edge and Christian, E&C. He says yeah, he won King Of The Ring, but who had the easier draw? Sure, he won the IC Title but who beat him for that title?

When we come back, we'll hear some Rob Zombie. Before they fade out, Christian mentions "he never pinned me".

Commercial break.

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They play Rob Zombie's music.

Christian wants to run out at RAW, knock Rob Zombie out, steal his mic and sing CHRISTIAN! CHRISTIAN! Most of the lyrics in his theme song are sung in Europe.

Christian,
How does it feel that your own brother is liked so much more than you? And why do you do things on purpose just to piss people off… such as wearing a Diamondbacks jersey in New Jersey?
Brian C. Flynn
Ridgewood, N.J.

He doesn't understand why people think Edge is more well liked than him. He gets a better response when he comes out.

Here's a look outside WWF New York. A bunch of Alliance superstars as well as WWF guys were there - including Edge. Edge drew all over Christian's picture with a moustache. Christian says he's just jealous and trying to brainwash the fans.

Let's head back to RAW with a match between Test and Edge for the WWF Intercontinental Title. Test pins Edge with his feet on the ropes. Then on Smackdown! Edge speared Test.

Christian says Edge is a sore loser and he did the EXACT same thing when he won the IC Title from Edge. Test has his IC Title back in the Alliance now so it's all good.

Tomorrow night on Sunday Night Heat, Edge vs. DDP.

Christian reminds Michael Cole he was good enough to appear on Crapcess and all they did was talk about Edge, so he's out of here. You tell 'em Christian!

Commercial break.

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Just Bring It, the new WWF video game is coming out soon. Let's take a look at the commercial Chris Jericho shot for that game.

The point of the commercial is showing Chris wreaking havoc backstage at the video game centre. He put one of the guys in the Walls Of Jericho, but it was all in the name of art. It's his third commercial with those guys. He did a Trash Talkin' commercial, then the Chef Boyardee. Jericho believes it to be one of the greatest commercials in the history of commercials.

The game is available next Monday. (Why, that's tonight!)

Commercial break.

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Lugz Boot Of The Week - Rocky wins the WCW World Heavyweight Title.

Cole is worried that this animosity between Rocky and Jericho is going to ruin the WWF come the Survivor Series. The Alliance took advantage of the match from Monday and put Rocky in a match on Smackdown! against Booker T knowing full well Rocky was far from 100%. Here's that match. Run ins for everyone!

There's paranoia in the Alliance because of the Austin jumping rumor. Cole says the Alliance is in shambles.

Up next - Kane vs. Taker in the first ever Inferno Match.

Commercial break.

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Trish wonders if the EuroPepps are coming the Wrestlemania this year.

I would like to see the match between Undertaker and Kane in the first inferno match. I think this was one of the best matches in sports entertainment.
Marcus Jones

Screw you Marcus! If you were going to ask for anything from that card, at least make it Austin vs. Dude Love.

Let's head From The Vault.

KANE vs. THE UNDERTAKER (in the First Ever Inferno Match)

Alright, I'm a little rough on this match. The fact is it IS one of the bigger matches they were doing at the time and was definitely something considered way out there. The ring is surrounded by fire and the flames get higher during big impacts on the mat, and other random intervals. Kane loses this one when getting set on fire. 2 months later he'd win the World Title, promising if he didn't, he'd set himself on fire again. It's a decent match, just far from my cup of tea. Once again, if you need to be reminded, I'm a WCW fan. ;-)

Michael Cole was there that match and says it was a great match. Trish reminds us they have both WCW and WWF matches in the vault. Oooooh, here's a special request from your Excess recapper: request Dean Malenko vs. Ultimo Dragon from Starrcade 1996. I got to see that one for the first time the other day. Un-freakin'-believable. Make up some stupid reason WHY you want to see it, just request it!

Commercial break includes Booker T eating Chef Boyardee.

This segment is brought to you by the Xbox.

Kane was sent to the hospital a couple weeks ago via Kurt Angle's Anglelock. On RAW, Undertaker vowed revenge. Once again, enough run ins to fill a clown car.

On Smackdown! Angle and Austin were forced into a handicap match against The Undertaker. Taker proved he is still the man, and took both of them out. (Wrestling is fixed ya know…) Get bent. Angle then took a Stunner from Austin, 'cause Austin could do it.

Is Austin REALLY the defector? We'll find out in 8 days at the Survivor Series.

Tomorrow night on Heat, DDP takes on Edge.

Next week, Trish won't be on Excess. Trish says she WILL be on Excess, in a bikini. Also next week, JR in a bikini. Thanks Michael!

Well, the WWF now has NO EXCUSE not to boot Coach's ass off this show. Michael talked circles around anything Coach has ever done and ran with it a lot better.

My parents VCR has a tendency not to cooperate with my VCR - so we'll see if the audio came through for Excess with JR. I'll get to that tomorrow most likely, assuming I can.