I've put this off long enough - time to get down and dirty with the "coolest" and "hippest" show on Saturday Nights. We're talking about WWF Excess!

On Smackdown! Rob Van Dam defeated Kurt Angle with a little help from Shane McMahon. On RAW, Steve Austin will face Kurt Angle for the WWF World Title.

Jonathan Coachman and Trish Stratus welcome us to WWF Excess. Place your bets now the number for sexual comments from The Coach towards Trish before the night is through. (I have 9) We haven't heard from Steve Austin in weeks - but tonight Debra is here. She's sort of like Steve Austin, right? Trish manages to flub both the phone number and e-mail, so just incase you're confused it's 1-800-LIVE-WWF, or WWFExcess@wwf.com

This will be one of the biggest RAW's of all time - with Steve Austin taking on Kurt Angle. It could change history. Our world will be moved. George W. Bush himself will be glued to his TV.

Let's go back to RAW - and check out the ONLY decent segment on the show, which is the Christian / X-Pac / Edge confrontation. For all the details, there's a RAW report sitting on this site waiting to be read. Tell CRZ I sent you.

On Smackdown! the Acolytes teamed up with Edge to take on X-Pac, Christian, and Albert. Edge pinned Albert with the Buzzkiller. Would someone please relay the name of the move to JR?

We have plenty more still to come! Debra, Austin, Michael Buffer! (Michael Buffer?!?) Oh yeah, Chris Benoit is taking on Sid Vicious in the From The Vault segment. ROCK ON! I hope Sid wins this time.

Commercial break.

Isn't life juicy? Welcome back to Excess! Incase you hadn't heard, we're headed towards the BIGGEST RAW OF ALL TIME! Kurt Angle takes on Steve Austin. Speaking of Kurt, he has a new book. Speaking of Kurt and his new book, this past week he was signing autographs.

Kurt likes using "It's True" as his catchphrase because he wants to be honest with everyone. He's proud of being the champion right now. Some girls made chocolate medals for Kurt because they love him. Kurt's dad was an alcoholic. He's raised a bi-racial child. He broke his neck before the Olympic. His coach was murdered before the Olympics. He found it very hard to talk about the stuff he did - but he managed to come clean and is proud of himself. A lot of fans turned out to see Kurt - and one woman's friend just had surgery and couldn't come. So Kurt called her on the cell to say hi. Kurt thinks everyone has an interesting story - and would rather read about someone else's story. He hopes his story is intriguing. To be honest - if I had the cash I would pick it up ASAP. If my parents read this (they don't) think CHRISTMAS PRESENT. :-)

Commercial break.

We're back. Kurt Angle and Steve Austin are going 1 on 1 on RAW. No kidding? Commissioner Regal had some stuff to say this week.

Ivory on RAW entered Regal's office and showed off her ass. He calls her a filthy disgusting scrubber. Lance Storm enters the office and accuses him of sexual harassment. For anyone who says Storm can't work the mic and has no charisma - he delivered that line as well as anyone could ask him to. It was brilliant. Storm and Regal have a match. People online thought it was a shoot - but it was simply a fantastic stiff affair. They should go again - and work longer. For some reason, this minute and a half affair needs to be clipped. Heyman gets a fax after the match and Regal slaps him for repeating what Austin had to say.

A lot of people want to smack Paul Heyman around says Coach. I guess he isn't aware of his own rep? We're coming back with Debra.

Commercial break.

On RAW Kurt Angle and Steve Austin will be having a match for the World Title - and it could change the course of history forever. Teachers around the globe will have their notebooks ever present and will be writing in them furiously - I swear.

Tough Enough came to a close 9 days ago and Maven won. Then Tazz wrestled him on Smackdown! Holy hell Maven has a nice dropkick. I didn't really watch Smackdown! this week - so a lot of this is new to me. Coach mentions that guys in the locker room resent Maven. Uh huh, sure they do. Tazz does the classic heel work, by congratulating his opponent, then smacking him afterwards.

Trish thinks he's got a good physique. Coach jumps all over that. I wonder if she can sure for sexual harassment? If you want to be a part of Tough Enough, Tough Enough 2 is coming up so get those tapes in.

Commercial break.

Incase you hadn't heard, RAW will be the biggest ever. There's going to be a match between the champion Kurt Angle and former champ Steve Austin.

Barry Bonds hit some homeruns last night to bring him to 72 on the year. No Mercy's commercial is also baseball related. Here's a look at that.

Bradshaw thinks the WWF makes things fun. The point of the commercial is it's the bottom of the 9th - and it all comes down to this. Once you look at who's at bat - it's Kane. Edge thinks it's silly to see a 7 foot guy in a mask at bat. Bradshaw compares McGwire's build to that of Kane. Kane tells us if they told him to hit the ball further than 5 feet, he would have. All hell breaks loose as soon as he hits the ball. Edge spears the catcher. On his way to second the Hardys put the shortstop and second baseman through tables. At third, Faarooq is waiting with a trashcan for him. On his way home the mascot interferes and gets shoved out of the way. Faarooq talks about the commercial, and watching him, I'd honestly love nothing more than to sit that man down and listen to him talk about his career. He's probably got one helluva a story! Jeff Hardy got hurt going through a table. There's a shock. Edge thinks No Mercy is like the Fall Classic of the WWF which is why it's so funny.

Let's take a look a the commercial now.

Commercial break.

Stone Cold's wife is waiting in the wings. By the way, we haven't heard from Steve Austin since he lost the title - but we WILL see him on RAW when he gets a World Title shot. The Alliance made a proposition on Smackdown! where if any Alliance member could beat Kurt Angle, Angle would have to defend against Austin on RAW. That member was RVD.

This was the one part of Smackdown! I did catch and my god Angle took a nasty bump on the mouth. I hear he needed like 6 stitches in his chin and 2 others in his mouth or something. Yuck - not pretty. RVD wins, Austin gets his match. Later that night, Kurt was a little pissed off. He wants Austin badly.

We didn't know on Smackdown! if Regal would live up to his end of the bargain.

On Smackdown! Regal lived up to his end of the bargain.

Here's Debra to join the show. How does she feel about the fact no Alliance members are allowed ringside? Debra says this match could change the history of the WWF. She's disappointed.

Ashley from New Mexico says that Steve Austin is the toughest SOB in WWF history, but Angle has looked tougher lately. Oh and she loves Austin so much. Debra says Kurt's not in Austin's league.

An e-mail from Bryan asks who Debra thinks the best person to lead the Alliance is now that Austin has been away? Debra can't believe that - he has the right to take some time off without being replaced. She thinks it's a bunch of crap.

Catherine via e-mail wants to know why she puts up with Austin when he treats her like a dog. When he's at work he gets snappy because he's so intense. At home if he talks back he'd better watch out.

Trish wants to know if he's changed at home since he lost the title? He's disappointed according to Debra - but he's also really looking forward to his chance to get the title back in his possession on Monday night.

Amanda from Florida asks in an e-mail how she feels about the loss of the title, and is Steve jealous of RVD? He didn't lose the title - he was screwed. She saw Earl admit he made an error.

Dean from California wants to know if Steve has considered going after the WCW World Title. She thinks it's a good question, but won't answer it because tonight's all about Monday night.

Commercial break.

Coach and Trish come back and can't figure out the Hurricane. They both say "Whatsupwitdat?" Debra gives them crap for mocking an Alliance member.

Coach had to wait outside the building to talk to Molly and Hurricane on Smackdown! Life with Spike was going nowhere - but with the Hurricane she's going places. She is Mighty Molly. Her Mollycules are pure.

Coach keeps laughing at the gimmick.

Jeffrey via e-mail wants to know what the recipe to Debra's special cookies are? She won't tell because she wants to market it.

Kenneth is on the phone - and his TV is WAY to loud. He doesn't know what he's saying. Coach tells him to put the bottle down when he asks "Why is Stone Cold so afraid of Stone Cold?"

Robert is on the phone now. He wants to ask Debra a question and sits there stuttering. They hang up on him.

Mitch wants to know how much different the WCW is from the WWF? Debra feels it was lacking a vision and wasn't organized. The WWF can make superstars out of their talent. Umm, I thought Debra was Alliance?

Monica from Iowa is on the phone. She wants to know where Austin been since he lost the title. Debra won't tell where he is. Debra's had enough and is taking off.

On RAW we'll have a match that can change the course of history forever! Kurt Angle faces Steve Austin. Be there!

Commercial break.

Coach thought Debra was intriguing. Before RAW on Monday - Sunday Night Heat is on tomorrow guest hosted by Chris Benoit. Speaking of Benoit, it's time to go From The Vault.

CHRIS BENOIT vs. SID VICIOUS (for the WCW World Heavyweight Title)

For those who don't know how this was setup - it's like this. Bret Hart had just come out of Starrcade after a re-enactment of Montreal against Bill Goldberg with the decision on his side. Roddy Piper was playing Earl Hebner. The next night, the New World Order reformed showing it was a conspiracy. So Bret vs. Goldberg for the World Title was our main event. That is, until on Thunder, Goldberg put his arm through a limo window and cut it up. So they needed a new #1 contender. Enter Sid. The problem here is that at Starrcade Goldberg had kicked Bret in the head and caused a concussion. Bret wrestled through it getting a number of other concussions. By the weekend of Souled Out he was determined to be not capable of wrestling. They needed a new guy to battle with Sid.

Jeff Jarrett and Chris Benoit had been battling in a series of great match. They were getting set to do a Triple Threat Theatre, which is sort of the same idea behind the match between Steve Austin and HHH at No Way Out this year where they'd wrestle 3 different matches - winner getting the US Title. On the prior Nitro however, Jeff Jarrett took a Jimmy Snuka splash and a Chris Benoit headbutt both off the top of a cage and had his bell rung. He couldn't compete.

Vince Russo had a brilliant idea. He had 2 performers with nothing to do - so the answer was obvious. Put the World Title up for grabs in a Battle Royal and have Tank Abbott walk out as champion. Well, the higher ups weren't impressed and gave the book back to Kevin Sullivan who went with Sid vs. Benoit.

The match itself was very good and Benoit won the title, even though Sid's foot was under the ropes. The following day, Benoit, Perry Saturn, Dean Malenko, Shane Douglas, and Eddie Guerrero all announced they were leaving due to this new direction. The title reign was ended at one day.

That was fun.

A reminder, on TNN this weekend, it could, it WILL change WWF history - Steve Austin vs. Kurt Angle.

DDP does yoga.

Commercial break.

Some referees got in The Rock's way this week. So on Smackdown! Rocky teamed up with Mike Chioda and Chris Jericho against Nick Patrick and the Dudley Boyz. Chioda does a people's elbow.

We still have lots left, come back!

Commercial break.

Coach is really horny - and reminds us Torrie and Stacy had a bikini contest. Okay, I've had enough. Someone has to say it:

COACH, YOU'RE NOT JERRY LAWLER AND YOU NEVER WILL BE.

Ahem. Anyway, the girls dance to Sunny's "You Know You Want Me". I recognized the theme but couldn't put my finger on it. My brother recognized it though thanks to a midget match he saw not long ago in which she was the referee. I'm guessing her husband was one of the participants.

This is Excess, and we're coming back.

Commercial break.

Tomorrow night on Sunday Night Heat, Chris Benoit is the guest host. Also, the Hardys and Lita take on Lance Storm, Kanyon, and Ivory. Then on Monday, oh forget it.

Let's take a look at the history between Steve Austin and Kurt Angle.

Can I make a suggestion? Turn Excess into From The Vault. Honestly, it's the only redeeming point of the show anymore.

See you again next week. I have no idea who the guest is, so I'll be as surprised as you!