|WRESTLING BITS AND BITES||WRITTEN: December 4, 2001|
"Hey Chris - you came back to write some more! Cool.
You are correct about Mr. Angle. His promo ruled and he rules. He is truly the King! Not that I mind the King (Lawler) but I know LOTS of other people don't care for the King. In fact, lots of people hate the King. Well, those people suck.
The Hardys may be the worst actors this side of Stephanie McMahon. The facial expressions on Matt were just horrible during his "confrontation" with Jeff. I guess Jeff's might have been awful except we only saw the side of his head. Yay! But please, Matt - just kick the crap out of him already!
Thanks for re-including the titles again, man. I know you only doing because I complain when you don't. The highlight of the week was absolutely "The Big Show is Pissed." Excellent.
As for all the stuff that got censored. You were lucky. I saw this crapola and it's now seared into my brain. Argh.
Lance Storm is Jim Duggan. Very nice." - Greg Pizzo
I completely understand where people who can't stand the King are coming from. However, they're not looking at the big picture. Fans LOVE him. If they'd rather watch Lawler over Heyman, then do it. I don't mind the Hardys acting as much as most people do I guess. I have enough reasons to dislike Lita and Jeff Hardy without having to add "acting" as one of them. Truth be told, they've come a long way and won't get better without TV time. I watch Excess remember? So anything that was censored was re-aired for me. Lucky indeed.
"Did you see Chyna's new spread? It's been a disturbing weekend. First Chyna and then a buddy brought over some still shots of Nichole Bass nude. I guess I can forget about functioning as a normal adult male any time soon." - Joe
Ahh, my porn buddy. If it's nude, female, and from the WWF he'll always be the first to let me know! God bless ya. Anyway, yes I did see the new spread. I think disturbing is way overblown. It's Chyna - what did you expect. I think she's an alright looking woman, but then again I've always had a thing for older chicks.
Ivory - if you're reading this - CALL ME!
OPENING CREDITS - KISS MY ASS
I WILL stop the recap instantly if we endure another one of those segments.
Chris Jericho is out to start the party. He's back to the COCKY entrance! Oh come on, I am asking for do swerve out of the way of fans trying to pat you. Begging! It fits the new character perfectly. Well, if he did it, I missed it. Is his hair RED or am I seeing things? Nope, it's red. This Sunday he's going to win The Biggest One of them all. You know what makes him sick? The fact they feel they're gonna be in the finals. They're overlooking himself and the Olympian. This disrespect is going to stop, and he's going to prove he's larger than life. Hey, that's that's Ric Flair baby! I wonder if they still have issues about that one match on the first Thunder. Jericho DID throw a hissy fit. I have to quote Jericho here. "What an honor it must be for you to be standing in the ring with a legend like Chris Jericho." Ric wants to know what to call him. Chris tells him it's Mr. Jericho. All this greatness fell on top of Jericho because he beat The Rock? Ric reminds Chris that he's the owner of the company. For all the greatness he brings, he's gonna face Steve Austin. This is a one on one match - non title. To be the man, you've gotta beat the man! Steve Austin is the man right now. Jericho does not look happy.
Short and unbelievably sweet.
The Rock is here! That's SO exciting we have to take a commercial break!
THROUGH HELLFIRE AND BRIMSTONE
It's Kane. Yay. Let me guess - he's facing a Dudley or a Hardy. Sure enough, Bubba Ray is out with D-Von and Stacy. Why is the WWF suddenly sticking the Dudleys in singles matches? They and the Acolytes are about the only pure tag-teams they have left - DON'T DO THIS! Over time I imagine Palumbo and Gunn will be as well, if by sheer will power by the WWF. Kane comes out of the ring and Stacy does the screaming oversell. Stacy shakes her ass at Kane, and D-Von cheats as well. Doesn't matter, Kane wins. I think this match can best be described as "two guys running through the motions". Dudleys give Kane a 3-D. The Big Show is my hero, and kicks the crap out of everyone in sight. Well, except the referee, Kane, Stacy, the announcers, camera crew, stage hands, and the crowd.
Vince McMahon is on the phone. Taker's not at the show tonight. Tock tock tock, it's Kurt at the door. Kurt couldn't sleep because Vince was so embarrassed last week. Vince doesn't like being reminded of that. Kurt has a plan to get back at The Rock. And we cut to a commercial break.
I'll be surprised if the announcers remember T&A. Why are Scotty and Albert a team anyway? Why is Albert a babyface? I certainly don't want to cheer for him, and from the sound of the things, the fans are responding with a halfhearted "well at least he's not Test" cheer. I am unbelievably tired and THIS isn't what's going to keep me awake. Scotty distracts the ref, so Test levels him. Scissors kick, 1, 2, and Test POWERS OUT! Test puts his feet on the ropes - and he's caught. Rollup gets 2. Charles Robinson is the coolest referee in the world, but he REALLY looks wrong in WWF stripes. Scotty steals a chair from Test, and Albert hits the Baldo Bomb. Hey, this match had some heat at the end. Very nice piece of booking. I'm not big on these wrestlers, but it was well done.
Crash Holly and Steve Lombardi are talking. Trish comes by looking for The Rock. My question to you is - what the hell was Steve Lombardi doing there?
ROB VAN DAM AND MICHAEL COLE ARE BEING COOL
RVD doesn't understand why Taker hates him. Christian walks in on this. He accuses RVD of thinking he's better than Taker. Christian tells him to put the Hardcore Title on the line. So RVD insists the European Title be put on the line. They then exchange comedy pieces. It's cute.
Trish walks in on The Rock. Thank you Rocky for saving me. She gives Rocky a kiss. Rocky gives Trish his way of saying Your Welcome. They proceed to make out. I wonder how Mrs. Rocky feels about this! Rocky turns to the millions and raises an eyebrow. Have they ever mentioned his wife on TV? Doesn't matter - they've done it, so go with it!
MAD TV IS JUST SO WACKY
Check out Triple H on Mad this coming Saturday. I may do just that
Those Punk Kids join us. Their opponents are Tajiri and Spike. Hey, former partners of The Big Show. How long until Kane joins this twosome? Jeff and Spike run through some ground mat wrestling, and when that gets boring after about 20 seconds they start to flippy flop. Matt takes a kick in the kisser from Tajiri. Hardeez collide! Spike as usual does NOT hit the Acid Drop. Nice looking finish with the blind tag on the ass while Matt hit the legdrop followed by the Swanton. Matt's not a fan of Jeff's greediness. Quick, go to the back before this gets interesting!
William Regal is walking. The drunken Acolytes make fun of Regal kissing ass. "What do you think he'd kiss to become Vice President?" "That's nuts!" Bradshaw promises to kick the crap out of William Regal. "DAMN!"
Top of the hour main event is next.
THE KIDS FIGHT BACKSTAGE
Matt uses DUMMY! Lita takes a shove from Matt. Lita swears she's not on anyone's side, so Matt asks her to prove it by being the ref at Vengeance.
SPOILER ALERT: Lita will count the pinfall for Matt, despite feelings pulling her the otherway. Fans will feel great sympathy for her in this struggle of a relationship - and eventually she'll join Jeff (or someone else).
Alright, Austin vs. Jericho. Unless we see Rocky vs. Kurt before the PPV happens - I'd say the chances of Austin vs. Jericho in the finals is not good. Austin wins clean hmm, I may retract that last comment actually. If we DO have the re-match - then Jericho should wind up winning. I DIDN'T expect that. I note that Austin's got his old music back without the Step Off.
Booker T(!?!) is hijacking Austin's truck and takes off with it! I'll let CRZ find a way to turn this into a RACISM crack - but it shouldn't be hard here. ;-)
A FEW MOMENTS AGO ON RAW
Austin beat Jericho and Booker hotwired a car.
Mr. McMahon and Angle are out. DON'T test me! Angle tells Rocky he's an ungrateful SOB. The travesty that occurred on Smackdown! will NEVER EVER happen again. Let's watch that. Since Rocky saved Trish and is talking on behalf of JR, does that mean he has a thing for JR? Angle wants an apology. Rocky's finally come back to Milwaukee. The Rock wants the two of them to kiss his ass. This isn't just any ass - it's the people's ass. Vince has a way of making people apologize. So we book a handicap match. Rocky vs. Kurt and Vince. Whoops - no it's not. He's got Trish on his side. If they lose, Rocky has to kiss Vince's ass. If Rocky DOESN'T do it, then he'll be stripped of the title and have no match at Vengeance. Cue Ric Flair. If either get pinned, Vince has to kiss Rocky's ass. What does The Rock have to say about that? Whoooooooo! What compelling TV!
I'm also thrilled in knowing I can miss Smackdown! now Of course, it's usually the column I set up the PPV picks on - so I'll have to write SOMETHING.
Did they say whether or not this match is for the European Title? No it's not. They do their hardcore thing, RVD retains, who the hell cares? This match will be long forgotten by Thursday, despite being a title match.
WATCH MAD TV DAMMIT
Bradshaw vs. Regal's up now. Regal seems to be on the verge of a HUGE push, so don't bet too hard in favor of Bradshaw. What the hell, TSN is censoring BRASS KNUCKLES now? This is professional wrestling! What the hell did you expect, giant breasts? Bradshaw goes to work. Then Regal pulls out well I assume knucks 'cause JR says so but we again check out the crowd. ARGH I HATE TSN!
Tazz talks about Edge or something. Then Edge spears Regal on the ramp.
IT'S AUSTIN'S TURN TO MAKE HIS SACRIFICE
I think Benoit summed it up best when he said he isn't making a sacrifice at all - this is what he loves.
Kurt and Vince are being wacky. They make faces about kissing Rocky's ass. The crowd seemed to like it.
NO CHANCE IS GETTING OLD
Vince shakes his ass at Trish. Oh GAWD. Stop it! I could care less about the result of this match, so I'll simply wait until the end. Ooh, I HAVE to ask - why can't Rocky get any offence on McMahon, but Trish gets lots? Rocky pins Kurt, fans go apeshit. Rocky grins in the face of McMahon. We'll see you Thursday.