|WRESTLING BITS AND BITES||WRITTEN: October 8, 2001|
NOTES TO YOU
- Yup, I didn't do a Bits And Bites last Thursday. Why? Frankly, I was so disgusted after RAW I didn't go out of my way to catch Smackdown!. I DID tape it but to be honest I really have yet to watch any of it beyond RVD vs. Angle. I'll probably watch it someday down the line, because I do get back to every tape sooner or later but I just did not feel the need to catch the show.
- On the other hand, Thanksgiving was last night and after eating more than I've eaten in the past year or so I STILL feel bloated and am looking forward to an evening of sitting back on the couch with RAW followed up by Excess. So once again, after a short hiatus I've cleared the slate with the WWF and we're essentially starting over again tonight. I hear there's a big Angle vs. Austin match on tap and that's MORE than enough to draw me in - a little wrestling never hurt anyone.
ONE WEEK AGO, SHANE SAID "IN THIS VERY RING"
Are you ready? Are you set? Tonight is the BIGGEST NIGHT in WWF history! The World Title match could CHANGE history FOREVER. With all this hype, I REALLY suggest they don't pull a WCW and swerve us.
We're going to kick things off with a 6 man tag. Stacy looks DAMN hot as a Dudley. I guess she's done with Tazz already? Well, here comes Tazz who is on the Dudley's side - so who knows. I guess it doesn't really matter. Their opponents are Tajiri with Torrie and YES! it's The Big Show with Spike. This match is gonna rock. Tazz will meet Maven on Smackdown! although I'm fairly sure they just did that match. This match ends about 10 minutes too early - damn. Torrie and Stacy fight - and the Alliance members wind up beaten down. Buh Buh calls for D-Von to get the tables - the lazy ass. Dudleys set up Torrie - I feel a censoring coming on! Yessir! Look at all those SIGNS! We come back and Buh Buh is having an orgasm and Torrie is lying on a broken table. Hey, Torrie and Stacy just happen to be having a match at No Mercy, October 21st live on Pay-Per-View. This is hideous. Here's a replays of SIGNS!
William Regal comes out to check on Torrie with a bunch of medics. What will he have to say about all this? I hope we find out - tonight!
THE MEDICS ARE CHECKING THE VISION OF TORRIE
They wave a finger, but Torrie doesn't talk.
My Time hits - for the love of god no PLEASE be HHH. Damn it, she's back. Slut chant breaks out fairly quickly while Stephanie expresses self pity. This had better lead to a match - and a damn good one. She's proud to say she's back and feels like she can do anything. Here comes Jericho to interrupt her. I bet he makes fun of her breasts. Y2J chant - this crowd is hot, god bless 'em. He calls her a slut a bunch, then makes fun of her breasts. The crowd DIES in record time. Here comes Shane McMahon and Stephanie grooves to his hip music. For years, he's been making fun of Stephanie. Shane has never done anything about it - because he thinks Jericho is hilarious. Shane thinks he's smart to have not run out of material - I'd beg to differ. If Jericho would focus half his attention on his matches instead of Stephanie he could be the man. BINGO! He will never be anything more than a joke artist. Stephanie laughs at that one. Jericho suggests Shane and Stephanie tag up forming the first ever brother and sister duo to take him on in a handicap match. Jericho's a liar, I've seen them teamed together before. Instead Stephanie wants Shane and RVD to team up to take on Chris Jericho. Jericho suggests he find a formidable tag-team partner, and he knows just who to get - The Rock. I have a strange feeling about this tag-team match for some reason - a very strange feeling.
RVD laughs at the monitor. Booker and Test come in to congratulate him for his success. Booker could have beaten Angle a lot faster than RVD did. He tells RVD he's a 5 time champion and RVD tells him he can't believe he lost the title 5 times. The WCW Title might work for Booker T - but he's RVD. I'm getting some really strange vibes here - something's up.
Coming up next, Booker T and Test take on the Hardy Boyz!
BOOKA T IS RAISIN' THE ROOF BABEE!
It's time for that WCW World Tag-Team Title match all the kids are talking about as the champs take on Those Punk Kids. Hahaha, Jeff goes for Poetry In Motion and winds up getting slammed. The champs immediately take over. I hope this is an extended squash - I like those. Of course, fans don't when it's the heels doing it - but meh, this is MY column. Booker hits the Book End on Jeff, but stupid Lita interferes. Whatta bitch. Test tries to do stuff and Lita holds onto Test's leg. Test goes after her and I certainly don't feel sorry for her. She had it coming. Matt and Test wind up brawling - and Undertaker interferes in the ring. Last Ride for Booker - Swanton - GOD DAMMIT WE HAVE NEW TAG-TEAM CHAMPIONS. IS IT SO HARD TO GO A FEW WEEKS WITHOUT CHANGING THE BELTS?
Ahem, excuse me. Now I'd like to believe that the WWF has long term plans for the Hardy Boyz but it's getting tougher and tougher to buy that. Maybe the WWF plans for an Undertaker / Booker T feud. I suppose I can live with this change if that's what it leads to. I'm still not happy, but I'll survive.
You know what's horrible? I can't even recall who the current WWF World Tag-Team champs are. According to that site CRZ used to recap shows for, it's the Dudleys which sounds right and wrong at the same time. That's about how much I'm caring about the tag-team titles right now, it's ridiculous.
WHAT A SHOCKER MOMENTS AGO
Yeah, imagine the titles changing. I'll stop griping now. Test and Booker are not particularly happy about the events that just took place. Booker wants to take out the most respected guy in the WWF - he's after the Undertaker.
Lita brags about cheating, and UGH she runs into Hurricane and Mighty. Mighty challenges Lita to a match - and she says yes.
The Rattlesnake is here says JR. He'd better be!
WE'RE MOMENTS AWAY FROM THE TOP OF THE HOUR - SO THAT BIG TAG-TEAM MATCH IS COMING UP SOON
Christian makes his way out - and JR tells us he's not scheduled for a match. Edge and Christian will do battle in a ladder match for the IC Title. I thought the WWF was cutting down on those? I guess this is a case of listening to the fans though.
Christian offers his glasses to the kid, then takes them back. Christian joins Heyman and JR. Christian hates ugly kids. This match is for the WCW United States Title - Rhyno takes on Edge. Do I dare bother investing myself in this match when there's an obvious screwjob coming? I'll give them the benefit of the doubt. This match is going really well - oops as I type that Christian interferes, go figure. Well, he gets Gored and it looks like he's out. BUZZKILLER! YES! The cover, and AWWW Christian pulls him out. DQ. Rhyno goes for the Gore - and Edge pushes him aside and spears Christian. On the plus side, we have a guaranteed ladder match for the PPV - and one I'm very much looking forward to.
HERE COMES THAT MATCH
I dunno what it is, I have a very strange feeling about it. RVD gets a mild reaction compared to what he has been getting, interesting. Here comes the money. JR says "Stephanie surprised us by coming down and doing that interview, that promo if you will" sounding like redneck version of Tony! I thought that was funny. Jericho is joined by The Rock. Jericho goes for a Lionsault and RVD just kicks him off the ropes with ease. Rolling Thunder connects and gets a nearfall. Van Dam winds up in the Walls Of Jericho on the outside - then Shane bulldogs Jericho into the steps. Rocky has been a non-factor so far other than being beaten up. RVD goes for the Froggy Splash and misses. Spinebuster on Shane, leads to a setup of the People's Elbow but RVD is there again. Rock Bottom on RVD! Shane saves! Jericho's alive, and he accidently clobbers The Rock! RVD covers and scores the win!!! What a match! Jericho is a mess.
And still to come is Austin and Angle. I can NOT wait!
IF YOU WANT TO BE PART OF TOUGH ENOUGH 2, SEND IN YOUR TAPES
RVD and Shane celebrate and I can hear Stephanie's voice from here. There she is, complete with the Alliance. Hey, Tommy Dreamer's on camera! They all chant RVD. There's Steven Richards. Where's Kronik?
Last night, Chris Benoit came to Sunday Night Heat in a trenchcoat, and looked REALLY short. Benoit puts his money on Angle.
Lance Storm and Ivory are in WWF New York. Ummm, it IS WWF New York, not ECW New York. Ivory yells at the fans in complete white trash bitch mode. Heh, I love Ivory.
They replay the shot Rocky took with the chair - WOW that was stiff. Rocky comes to see if Jericho's okay, then wants to know what he was thinking. Everyone makes mistakes from time to time. Jericho says "What the hell do you want from me, I was trying to win the match". Rocky doesn't appreciate that. Jericho suggests maybe he should have knocked off the People's Eyebrow, and The Rock tells him maybe he should knock it off right now - AND JERICHO ATTACKS!!! Wheeee, THIS is the reason I still watch wrestling. Jericho has an edge!
The reason I liked the segment is because of the way everything happened - tempers were high, Jericho got mouthy when The Rock turned his back and was caught. They didn't need Stephanie McMahon starting problems between them, they didn't need pointless anger, they were pissed because of the WRESTLING match. WRESTLING, key word is WRESTLING.
This show is doing real well.
ONE WEEK FROM TONIGHT, THE WWF IS IN THE COREL CENTRE
I CAN'T WAIT!
In moments, Steve Austin will talk about his match later on tonight.
Turn it up. Scotty 2 Hotty is out. I saw him on Heat last night, and I was REALLY hoping Saturn would bust out The Trout we saw him do a few months ago, but he was stopped before he started. This match is for the Lightheavyweight Title - sweet! Heyman's sources tell him Rocky and Jericho are at it again in the back - JUST KIDDING. Heh, that was good. Scotty goes to the Worm, and hits it. Scotty gets the 3, and X-Pac's foot THEN hits the rope - I'm sorry that was 3! I want to see X-Pac retain as much as anyone (looks around) okay, I want to see him retain, but COME ON that was 3! X-Pac quickly hits an X-Factor and gets the win.
Michael Cole is still standing outside Austin's door. Debra comes out instead, and Austin doesn't want to talk to him. He's changed his mind. Debra's looking for the commissioner's office. "Commissioner Regal's office?" No retard, the other commissioner.
I was just talking to a friend of mine online, and he mentioned the hilarious DDP segment. I told him I didn't see any DDP segment - and apparently there WAS one prior to the tag-team title match. THANKS TSN - did a woman get beaten up or something? Christ.
LITA'S OUT FOR A SECOND TIME
If this is your kind of match, you may want to press your back button now because I will either:
a) Be incredibly negative.
Looks like the crowd agrees with me. With no women's title these matches are completely pointless and forward NO storylines. Mighty pins Lita with a nice looking bridge. Good. Hurricane Helms comes ringside to bring Mighty to the back. That victory was a slam dunk. That would be funny if there was a reason for a basketball net to be sitting there. To the Mollymobile. Go away.
Debra's in with Commissioner Regal. She wants to be ringside. Regal suggests Debra bakes some cookies to occupy her time because he's not bending. We'll see promises Debra.
THE BIG MATCHUP IS HERE AND NOW...IN A FEW MOMENTS
Kurt Angle is being interviewed by Michael Cole. Is he worried? At SummerSlam, Austin learned he couldn't beat Angle. At Unforgiven, Angle learned he could beat Austin. He's going to let his actions speak for him.
Glass shatters, Austin is back! I was honestly concerned he WASN'T there. Debra comes out to ringside regardless of what Regal just said. We'll be right back!
COMMISSIONER REGAL IS RINGSIDE
He grabs Debra by the ear and shoves her to the referees who drag her to the back. Nice! Regal takes a ringside seatto ensure this match is a fair fight. Austin jaws with him, and here comes Angle. You know, through all the hype this match certainly does feel very special.
Angle takes it to Austin right away with punches in the aisle! USA chants! They trade off in the corner several times with punches and chops - then work their way to the middle of the ring for a bit. Angle looks to be the man in control. Lou Thesz press, into an elbow drop. Angle retaliates with a Lou Thesz press of his own! Angle wants him to get his ass up. Angle flips him off, then Austin does the same thing. Angle gets an Anglelock but Austin reaches the ropes. Austin wraps Angle's knee around the post several times, but Angle pulls back and Austin's head is slammed hard into the post. Austin is driven into the announce table. Austin mouths off at the fans, then Angle, and gets thrown across the table for his troubles. Angle stands on the table waiting for Austin, then goes to expose the concrete floor. Angle continues to beat on Austin - which is impressive since Austin is generally the brawler in control while Angle's a ring technician. Angle gets slammed into the steps face first, then chopped hard. Angle fires back inside the ring - but not for long. Austin pulls Angle's leg down hard on the apron, and yanks him to the floor. Austin clips him at the knee back in the ring, and Angle looks to be in trouble. 5 minutes to the top of the hour, about 12 left in the show. Snap suplex, then Austin stomps on Kurt's fingers. The finger stomp always makes MY fingers hurt too. Angle chants! KICK, no, Angle backslides instead to avoid the Stunner. Angle catches Austin in the Sleeper hold, but Austin comes away with a jawbreaker which I think a few fans mistook for a Stunner. Austin gets the Sleeper on Angle, but Angle runs him back into the turnbuckle to get it off. Crossbody gets a 2 count. Inside cradle gets 2. Austin gets a sunset flip but Angle comes forward and punches at Austin. Heyman's annoyed at the closed fists that Angle's throwing. Austin goes to get a chair and William Regal gets into a tug of war with him - and wins. Austin brings Angle over to the concrete, but gets back bodydropped onto it. Spinebuster on Angle back inside the ring! This match is rocking my world! Austin turns Angle over with a Boston crab, and Angle makes the crawl to the ropes. Austin pulls Angle back to the middle of the ring, and Angle makes the ropes for a second time. Austin gets into a shoving match with Hebner briefly, which allows Angle time to get himself back in the match. 10 punch count-a-long! Time for Austin to eat some suplexes! Austin catches the ropes while Angle sets a third German suplex, so he kicks back and connects in the gonads! Austin was ready for the Stunner, Angle counters with an Olympic Slam attempt, and Angle gets shoved into Hebner and Hebner goes flying to the outside. Austin gets the belt on the outside, and Regal goes into the ring to get it back. I smell a swerve. Sure enough, Regal CLOCKS Angle!!!! YES! Here's a cover, Hebner is rolled in, 1, 2, ANGLE KICKS OUT! HOLY SHIT I DIDN'T SEE THAT COMING! Austin throws a fit! Kick, wham, Stunner! 1, 2, 3! WE HAVE A NEW WWF WORLD CHAMPION! WHAT A MATCH!
As far as television goes, THAT was a five star affair all the way. That was awesome! Give me more! That is the first WWF World Title change on free TV since the first week of January 2000. Stone Cold is the WWF Champion and JR will be damned!