|WRESTLING BITS AND BITES||WRITTEN: September 24, 2001|
NOTES TO YOU
- Excess is first thing on my plate as soon as RAW is over. Then the PPV assuming I can't sleep. (That's a lot of wrestling for one night.) No kidding.
PPV SCORE SHEET
Thanks to everyone who participated. No perfect scores this month, and nobody picked everything wrong.
Terry McMahon - 6-2
That brings my predicting to 4-12 if you include InVasion. Ouch! Overall leader is Aaron Brooks at 13-3. I'll be posting a full leaderboard at my homepage for those of you who actually care about this stuff.
I TOO GET LETTERS
Got some interesting thoughts going into this huge PPV weekend. Alert reader Eddie Hawn followed up his letter about the tag-team division by offering this:
"I was just thinking... is there any reason for the WWF Title to *ever* be defended on a non-pay-per-view? Everyone knows the champion is gonna retain.
I did a little research, and I discovered that the last time the WWF Title switched hands on free TV was on 1/3/00, when Triple H won title #3 from The Big Show. Since then, all PPVs. In fact, since 1997 the WWF Title has only changed hands seven times on free TV (which isn't very much when you remember how much the title was whored around in '99).
About the WWF Title itself, though, I've really got to like how respected the title has become in the last year and a half. The Rock had his four-month reign (title #5) ended by Kurt Angle, who had a four-month reign of his own. The Rock then had a brief month with the title before it became practically the permanent property of Steve Austin. Five-plus months with the title. I figure that's a *great* way to establish real value for the belt.
Now if only the WWF did the same thing for the tag-team division..."
Title never changes on free TV? I have a feeling about tonight for some reason, but the WWF will undoubtedly prove me wrong for thinking so. I am 4-12 predicting since I started this column after all.
However, you're right. After that incredibly insane 1999 year that saw the WWF title change hands on free television on 6 times, we had the first Monday of 2000 have a free title change and nothing since. But Eddie, I'm not gonna start complaining about it now. I want a reason to shell out $30, and since the belt is what wrestling is supposedly all about, I kinda want it to be a huge point and something I can brag about having seen, if there are bragging rights in wrestling you really want to use in public. Which I don't, which completely takes away from my point, but the point is oh forget it.
Alert reader Terry McMahon added this to his predictions:
"I do believe this is the first major PPV (or any PPV, I think) to put seven titles on the line. The WWF put six on the line for Wrestlemania XIV and Backlash 2000 but I don't believe they ever got seven. Just a thought."
You sir are completely right. The WWF DOES have 7 titles (World, IC, Euro, Hardcore, Lightheavyweight, Women's, Tag) but has never utilized all 7 on one show before. With WCW in the mix however, the total is now 11, so I'd expect to see our new record shattered before too long.
Good call on that one. I'll be stealing that piece of trivia when it's convenient for me to do so.
And before the show, what does our good friend alert reader Greg Pizzo have to add?:
"As for the Raven/Moppy piece. It took Raven about 5 minutes to get the damn thing to chip. Norman Smiley would make this angle much better. I love Norman. He rules.
I am looking forward to Angle/Austin, but I do wish we'd get through this so that Angle could turn heel again. Not that I dislike the Face Angle, but I love the Heel Angle.
Those are my thoughts. I knew you probably would stop doing bits and bites if I didn't write, so there you go!"
I'm a fan of Norman as well, but his character grew stale to me when the bookers stopped finding things for him to do and said "here's Ralphus. Ralphus and Norman will get over cause they're both just so DARN WACKY" and then left it at that. Plus, the Alliance has more than enough comedy members right now, another one is NOT a good move. Maybe down the line.
Angle turning heel? I don't know. I'd rather wait and see what the bookers have in store. I'd rather they saved turns for when characters were growing stale in their current roles rather than just to SHOCK THE FANS like that idiotic HHH turn last November. Give Angle a little longer to run with the ball and see how he does. With RVD hot on his heels in terms of cheers however, how long can he last as top face?
With that, let's head to RAW!
WE HAVE A NEW WWF CHAMPION
Last night Kurt won the gold - and cleanly. Lots of people celebrated.
Brothers Of Destruction are out first! It's a 6 man tag-team match. They team with Bradshaw against Dudleys and Test. Heyman promises there's gonna be hell to pay as soon as Austin gets to the building. Holy crap did Test kick Kane awful hard in the face! Kane plays face in peril? Interesting choice - but it seemed to work fairly well. Is Bradshaw EVER going to get tagged in? D-Von eats a Last Ride - and the WWF tag-team champions do their SECOND job since winning the titles a week ago. Glad to see there was a good reason to keep the titles on them last night. On the other hand, Kane looked really good for the first time in ages.
Stacy and Torrie argued about men. Stacy can have any man on the roster and will prove it by finding a man to take on Tajiri. Dissention in the Alliance!
IT'S RAINING HEAVILY - I HOPE MY POWER STAYS ON THIS WEEK
It's a limo. Heyman says the greatest WWF champion of all time is here. Ric Flair's in the house? No, it's Christian. DAMN DAMN DAMN. Nothing against Christian - I just want Flair on TV. Nobody is to touch Christian he instructs security.
Shane is giving the Alliance a pep talk. Austin didn't lose the title - his arm was under the rope. Everyone online predicted that this morning. I didn't think they'd bring it up myself, even with Brooks yelling right before Austin tapped "HIS ARM IS UNDER THE ROPE". Stephanie comes in happily expecting a happy birthday welcome. Shane says tonight is about revenge - Steph says tonight is about leadership by example. That man is Rob Van Dam. Booker looks quite annoyed with that statement. Steph's giving herself a birthday present. Tonight Rocky takes on RVD for the WCW World Title. Hmmm, a title may change hands for free after all, just not the title I originally thought. Plus, Booker T takes on Kurt Angle for the WWF World Title. Why isn't Regal DOING ANYTHING about this? Maybe the Alliance can book their own matches - but they just booked a WWF World Title match, held by a WWF wrestler. I hardly doubt they have the power to pull that off.
NO MERCY HAS A GREAT COMMERCIAL
Have you seen that ad yet? The baseball players playing against the WWF? Great stuff. By the time the PPV rolls around though I'll undoubtedly be sick of it so I thought I'd say I liked it now.
JR doesn't understand this interfactional relationship with Tajiri and Torrie, which proves Billy Bob Kane's theory - JR is RACIST! I thought Stacy liked her men tall, dark, and handsome. Tazz is short, orange, and on the Kurt Angle video says himself he's ugly. JR mentions Tazz is short, making him the latest victim of the infamous glass ceiling, I'm sure. Tajiri says "HAJADADADA" which loosely translated means "Wrestling Bits And Bites rules and I read it every week". I swear. Tazz wins with the Tazzmission. We have a push here for Tazz or a punishment for Tajiri? Or maybe it was just a darn good match and we best stop looking so deeply into EVERY MOVE the federation makes. Maybe.
Booker T could be the first time, first time, first time, WWF champion. Thanks Shane!
KURT ANGLE WILL DEFEND THE WWF TITLE TONIGHT
Nobody is allowed at ringside for this title match apparently. Good.
Rhyno is out to defend the WCW United States Heavyweight Title. Who gets the shot tonight? Oh boy, Jeff Jeff. Rhyno is a hoss incase you weren't privy to that info. Jeff jumps RIGHT into the Gore! Heh, that looked stiff as all hell and I wouldn't be surprised if Jeff's head hit the mat.
Ivory looks damn good tonight. Hurricane wants Molly to join his team, and if he wins tonight she'll HAVE to join. Storm's facial reactions pretty much mimic mine. I'll take Helms however I have to, in order to see him wrestle, but I really don't think they could have made it a whole lot tougher. I can't explain it, I realize it's a new gimmick but to me I feel like I've been watching it for years on end. It's about the only gimmick in the WWF I currently hate. There are a few I don't care for, but I hate this one. Unfortunately, I'm in the minority on this one and am probably going to be subjected to a few more months of this yet.
KANYON'S FREAKING OUT
Kanyon's really worried that Austin's gonna take out his frustrations on him. He stands behind RVD, but is not feeling so good. RVD wants to know what happened to the confidence. Kanyon finds it and thanks RVD. I sense a heel turn is on the horizon for RVD that the fans are NOT gonna like. I think they're planting the seeds nicely if it's what they have in mind. He's playing the Alliance for fools and using them to propel himself to the top.
The Big Show gets his usual big pop. Helms wants to go for a test of strength with The Big Show. Hehe. Show laughs his ass off at Helms until Helms gets snotty and slaps him. That did it! Ivory's turn. She can't touch Show, so he simply tags in Molly. And thank god, I could sense TSN's hands on the censored button! Spike gets tagged in and OH MY GOD HIS TIGHTS ARE SCARING ME! Ugh, that's just horrible. Helms goes to powerbomb Show. Molly with the tope con hilo from the top of Big Show onto Storm for the win! Is that the Molly Go Round? I don't know, the announcers didn't call it and I don't remember ever seeing her finisher. Great match!
Earl takes flak for being involved in a screwjob last night. Earl calls it an honest mistake. I call it blatant. Who says Earl can't play dirty if Nick Patrick can? Shane tells him not to let it happen again. I bet it happens again.
TOP OF THE HOUR
Rocky against RVD is our main event tonight - I am definitely smelling a title change.
Huge USA chant. Booker seems annoyed by it. How does he know they're not chanting for him? Booker works over Angle's neck and the fans are not impressed. Heyman promises to take off when Austin comes out for fear of what he's going to do. I don't believe him. Kurt hits one of the safest looking German suplexes I've EVER seen as Booker lands right on his back. Earl's out cold. Hey, a ref bump, imagine that! I think it's time for the WWF to go out and sign some tough refs. Refs who won't die everytime they're touched. Booker gets caught in the Anglelock and has no choice but to tap. That was our fourth Angle / Booker match I believe and AGAIN they put on another awesome match.
WARNING: THE FOLLOWING PROGRAM CONTAINS MATERIAL THAT MAY OFFEND SOME VIEWS. DISCRETION IS ADVISED.
Kanyon offers to spend a few hours with Lita after his match with Matt. She says he has a speech impediment. So she's discriminating against him based on THAT? God, you should be thankful he didn't discriminate against YOU for looking like a beast.
Edge has a pretty messed up eye - and I get the feeling it's VERY legit. Last night, Christian proved he was the superior brother. Christian offers his first ever solo 5 second pose, but Jericho ruins it. Come on Jericho, you KNOW you want to be buddies with Christian - he is EXACTLY like you from your WCW run. On the special Smackdown! 2 weeks ago - Chris Jericho beat Christian. Will history repeat itself? Christian gets himself disqualified by using the ring bell. I guess if they didn't want to job Jericho twice in 2 nights that was the best route to take. Jericho avoids the Conchairto and puts on a Liontamer which leads to LOTS OF REFS running down to break it up.
X-Pac is talking on the phone about the conspiracy against him, in William Regal's office. X-Pac tells Regal he was learning what it was like to be a commissioner by doing nothing. He wants some TV time dammit! Regal calls X-Pac a horrible little creature and he's going to fight him in the ring later. Horrible little creature - I like that.
EDGE IS SIGNING AUTOGRAPHS IN OTTAWA ON THE 15TH
Odds are, if I can figure out exactly where to go, I'll be there. Signed memorabilia rules.
Let's go back to last night and listen once again to Jennifer Holliday.
Rob Van Dam is warming up. Raven asks for help - he's in quite the funk. RVD asks him maybe he should be more positive instead of depressed. Raven thinks that's great advice. Stephanie tells him he's gonna be the leader of the Alliance as soon as he wins the WCW World Heavyweight Title. RVD seems to like that idea. JR wonders what her agenda is. Hmm, I'm starting to wonder about that heel turn I was thinking about earlier. They may go the OTHER way and have Austin screw him out of the win tonight and throw him out of the Alliance for seeing himself as above everyone. Whatever happens, I really don't think they can lose.
Here comes Matt Hardy. He's taking on Kanyon. JR says Kanyon has good taste in women. Heyman asks "Lita? Yeah, I want Matt Hardy's hand-me-down's." Hahahahaha! You said it Paul! God Matt has nice moonsaults! Lita slaps Kanyon, which is interference. Can she PLEASE go through one match without interfering? She makes me dislike Matt Hardy - and I like Matt Hardy. Are JR and Heyman STILL arguing about Austin? I know I haven't made reference to it - but it's been going on ALL night and it's REALLY annoying. Here's Lita interfering some more. Grumble. Matt gets shoved off into Lita, and Kanyon connects with the Flatliner! I loved the ending of that match! Fans don't seem to know how to react.
DDP IS BACK
I LOVE that grin! He's NUTS! The beating he took from the Taker was a good thing. No matter how many times he gets knocked down - you have to get right back up. He's done some soul searching and has found the real DDP. He likes himself and knows you'll like him too. He's going to help you like you. Sure, I complained about goofy Alliance members at the top of the program - but GAWD that was well done!
Tough Enough kids are in WWF New York. Yup.
Tonight, Rocky defends against RVD - but first here's a reminder he came back to Columbus. 25 years ago, from Vince's testicles came something so horrifying it sent chills up and down's men's spines. He's just a sexy boy, sexy boy ..sorry. If Steph gets involved, he's gonna smack the million dollar candy ass. Rock sings her a birthday song. Cute. If Rocky is doing Jericho's shtick better than Jericho, where does that leave Chris?
X-PAC HAS NEW MUSIC
I like the new look. Fans are dead silent though, that's not a good sign. Regal comes out next, and HE gets no reaction. Oh man, this is REALLY not good. JR reminds us for the thousandth time he bled thanks to Austin in Oklahoma. Yeah, well I bled because I stubbed my toe in the door and cracked the nail wide open and you don't hear ME complaining to an audience. (You just did) Oh, I guess I DID. Regal wins the match. This was incredibly pointless, which is sad since I'm a fan of both those guys.
WE'RE WAITING FOR STEVE AUSTIN
Well, I'm not. I'm REALLY looking forward to this match and I hope to hell there is NO RUN INS. Christ, My Time plays and it doesn't mean HHH is on his way down. GO AWAY. RVD is taking The Rock out and it seems he's got full fan support. Rocky busts out a fisherman's suplex?!? This guy learns new stuff every week, honest to god. Say, if The Rock wins, does he get the WWF Hardcore Title since it's defended 24/7? She slaps The Rock, and I'm TEMPTED to turn it off. However, Rock is rallying with support so I'll stay. This match is too good NOT to be watching right now. Stephanie distracts the ref. Rock chases her up the ramp and I'm getting REALLY pissed off with her now. Stephanie knocks Van Dam off the top by accident? Rock hits the Rock Bottom and pins RVD. He gets a strong pop. She throws a tantrum. Still no sign of Steve Austin. And we're out.